Emotional resilience: where can I find it and how do I keep it?

Emotional resilience is present in all human beings; however, how robust it is and whether you can draw on it in times of need is the conundrum. Emotional resilience can be nurtured and, if practised, can develop throughout our lifetime. It is often referred to as weathering a storm, getting back up after a fall, to keep going in the face of adversity.

The emphasis is on bouncing back from stressful life events or negative experiences, rather than not experiencing stress at all. Acknowledging your stressors and giving yourself a chance to experience your emotions in a less frantic way is the goal.

It might be an attractive idea to never feel stress or experience difficulties, but that is not realistic, and if we try to hold to that fantasy, we can end up struggling more. So, emotional resilience is inside you; you just have to find the mindset key and way of being to unlock and use it.

Psychology has multiple ways of understanding human behaviour, and experiencing emotional resilience is no exception. One way of exploring emotional resilience is through the 3 building blocks: physical, psychological, and social, which are all interconnected.

The three building blocks of emotional resilience

Physical

Our physical health is very important, so as you might have guessed, attending to your diet and ensuring there is sufficient nutritional value to fuel your brain and body is key. Exercise and movement should be present in some form to aid disease reduction and support both physical and mental health. Managing sleep and maintaining good sleep hygiene habits also support our mental and physical functioning, as sleep is an essential component of the body’s ability to restore and repair.

Psychological

Being able to process and regulate our emotions, rather than denying or pushing them aside in the hope they’ll disappear, is important, as they rarely stay hidden forever. Building awareness of our stressors or triggers and developing healthy coping strategies is also important. Showing ourselves kindness and compassion, having appropriate expectations, and growing the skill to investigate and reframe negative thinking can help us become more constructive, rather than critical or punishing.

Social

Human beings are social creatures; from an individual standpoint, our need for social connection may vary wildly. Making time for relationships is crucial, so identifying trusted people, whether family, friends, work colleagues or professionals help to create a supportive network is fundamental. We then have to try to utilise this network, especially when we are experiencing a setback or difficult period.

How to build emotional resilience

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is well known for calming the mind, helping focus and reducing stress. It can be practised in different ways, not just through meditation. It could be following a simple breathing exercise, mindfully drinking your favourite drink, mindful movement, mindful colouring, or observing nature – the list goes on. What makes any activity mindful is the focus you have for the activity, anchoring your senses to the task or activity to bring attention to the present moment.

Self-awareness

Appreciate your predicament and the accompanying emotions, not by squashing your feelings, but by accepting they are there. Give yourself a space to reflect on your reactions and experiences. Being conscious of both your strengths and vulnerabilities.

Self-compassion

It comes as a surprise to many people that compassion rather than criticism is far more motivating. Showing yourself some grace, especially during difficult times, can help you move through challenges and make it more likely you’ll respond in a proactive way.

Cognition

Investigate your thinking style, looking for either positive or more neutral perspectives on a given situation. This involves adaptive, flexible thinking, broadening your perspective to think more kindly and constructively.

Building persistence

Allow yourself to struggle or fail, and keep giving it a go. It is much easier to give up and allow frustration or negative thinking to hold us back and limit us. Pushing past this and asking yourself to give something one more try, before calmly deciding to stop or ask for help, can make a difference. We can’t do everything, but we can give ourselves the chance to at least try when opportunities arise.

Self-care

This encompasses physical, mental and spiritual aspects of ourselves. It is often easy to neglect one area over another, so making time and thinking about how we care for ourselves is necessary. This doesn’t have to be extravagant; small actions and activities can be very beneficial, especially if practised consistently. Something is always better than nothing.

Staying connected

Understanding your social needs, both during a crisis and when things are going well, is important. Maintaining interpersonal relationships requires an awareness of your boundaries, as well as respect, empathy, and listening skills. Engaging in social activities like sports, hobbies, and clubs can help you stay connected while enjoying what you do. Think about your existing social circle; if it doesn’t feel like enough, consider taking small steps to expand it and make new connections.

All of the above can be practised throughout daily life, through good times and more difficult moments, to enhance your emotional resilience. They interweave and create a structure, helping you to monitor stressful periods of life. Working on your emotional resilience ahead of any crisis will allow you to draw on the skills during the peak of stress.

It helps us manage difficult experiences, stress levels, and cope with overwhelm. It aids us to recover and carry on. To see setbacks for what they are, and to maintain healthy self-beliefs for us to thrive rather than just survive. So why not make a conscious effort to attend to your emotional resilience? Start small and build from there.