Emerging masculinities: What does it mean to "be a man" today?

What does it mean to “be a man” today? It’s a question many people carry quietly long before they ever feel able to say it out loud. Across cultures, generations, and communities, the traditional messages about masculinity (be strong and always ready to fight, don’t show too much, cope alone, among others) are being questioned.

More and more men are noticing that these expectations don’t quite fit anymore. They feel limited by them, disconnected from themselves, or unsure how to navigate relationships while still trying "to be a man."

This shift is often described as emerging masculinities: a more human way of understanding and expressing our identity as men. And for many people, therapy becomes one of the first places where these questions can be explored safely.

What do we mean by “emerging masculinities”?

Emerging masculinities (sometimes called inclusive or contemporary masculinities) recognise that there is no single, correct way to be a man. Instead, masculinity is shaped by many influences: family, culture, sexuality, neurodiversity, trauma, community expectations, and personal history.

Here are some of the ideas often associated with emerging masculinities:

Masculinity is not one fixed shape

Instead of living up to one rigid standard, men are beginning to see identity as something personal and evolving.

Emotions are part of being human, not a weakness

More men are giving themselves permission to feel sadness, fear, tenderness, or uncertainty. These feelings don’t make someone “less of a man”; they make us connect with our humanity.

Strength is being redefined

Today, strength might look like being honest, setting boundaries, asking for support, or deciding not to repeat patterns that no longer feel healthy.

Connection matters

There is growing awareness that emotional isolation can harm well-being. Many men are seeking closeness, understanding, and more meaningful relationships.

Not all men see themselves in traditional roles

For some men (particularly LGBTQIA+ men, neurodivergent men, or men who grew up navigating different cultures), traditional expectations may have never made sense in the first place.

How counselling can support men exploring new meanings of masculinity

Therapy can offer a calm, confidential space to slow down and explore questions that may feel too personal or too vulnerable to ask elsewhere.

Some of the ways counselling can help include:

Making sense of your story

Men often carry experiences that were never spoken about, such as pressure, fear, grief, responsibility, cultural expectations, shame or loneliness. When these stories finally have space, things begin to feel clearer. Understanding where patterns come from helps people meet themselves with more compassion.

Exploring feelings without judgment

Many men share that therapy is the first time they can talk openly about feeling overwhelmed, not good enough, disconnected, or unsure how to express emotion. There is no pressure to know the “right words.” Simply naming what feels difficult can bring relief.

Questioning inherited expectations

Messages like “cope alone,” “man up,” or “don’t disappoint anyone” are often learned rather than chosen. Counselling helps men explore which expectations still serve us and which ones we may want to leave behind.

Finding an authentic sense of identity

Some people believe that emerging masculinities involve becoming “less masculine.” Emerging masculinities is about expanding the choices that are available for us.

Building healthier, more connected relationships

When people feel safer within themselves, they often find it easier to connect with others. This can lead to clearer communication, stronger boundaries, and relationships built on understanding rather than performance.

A final reflection

Emerging masculinities are not about replacing masculinity or rejecting it entirely. They are about opening up space for men to be more than one thing: strong and gentle, independent and connected, and resilient and vulnerable.

This “in-between” feeling can be confusing, but it’s also a sign of growth. It often marks the beginning of someone trying to live more truthfully, rather than following old rules automatically.

Allowing these parts of ourselves to be visible often becomes a turning point, helping men feel more whole, more grounded, and more connected to others. 

Instead of choosing between outdated expectations and abandoning masculinity altogether, emerging masculinities offer a third path: you get to decide what being a man means for you, not society, not tradition, and not fear.