Embracing 'Ani' and transforming anxiety

We all have anxiety, it lives inside every one of us, just like our heart, brain, tongue, nails, or hair. Anxiety is simply a part of being human. Taking a moment to breathe that in, and recognising that it’s normal to experience anxiety, can feel somewhat relieving in itself.

I named my anxiety Ani. She is female and recognises she/her pronouns. Ani is part of my whole self. She is a natural response to stress, or to moments when I feel afraid, out of control, or dysregulated. She shows up to help me out.

I like to show Ani gratitude, and I take time to thank her. I thank her with the big girl and little girl parts of myself. I thank her for all the hard work she did during my childhood, my youth, and my adult years. I ask her to show up when she’s needed, and I promise her that I will try to listen to her. When I don’t, I ask her why I’m struggling to hear or feel her.

When Ani appears, she does this thing that prepares me to deal with danger or what I might perceive as danger. Her friend Amy (Amygdala) starts ringing a really loud alarm bell, and suddenly my brain begins to release hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. All normal, and a super healthy human response.

The risk assessment

If the danger is real, do I need to put my best running trainers on and move out of the way? If the answer is yes — then run, and nice one, Ani. We can think of this as a mini risk assessment: hazard, harm, pain, toxin, poison, and so forth.

If the danger is perceived and there is no immediate threat, we must ask Ani about the trigger we are experiencing. With our adult self, we want to notice, observe, acknowledge, and understand the root of the trigger. These neural pathways are not set in stone, rigid, or unchangeable. They were learned, and now we can unlearn them because the time is right, and we’re ready.

Perceived danger that triggers Ani

Some potential thoughts are below, which are normal but perhaps unhelpful if we don’t become curious about their presence. These intrusive and triggering thoughts will almost always arise; the aim is to become aware, show curiosity about them, and ask what they need to feel heard and nurtured. You’ll know your own thoughts, so write them down.

Examples of perceived thoughts:

• I’m just not good enough.
• I don’t deserve success or love or happiness.
• What if I fail and am completely incompetent?
• People won’t accept me for who I am.
• I’m unlikable; I must be perfect to be valued.
• What if I’m not the most intelligent person in the room?
• How did others perceive my behaviour?

Transforming thoughts

Let’s take the first thought: I’m just not good enough. We have two options. The first is to allow this thought to keep repeating itself until our anxiety turns into panic attacks, chest pain, headaches, sleepless nights, racing thoughts, and more. The second option is to process and transform the thought, which isn’t the easiest route but will alleviate discomfort and empower us. Transforming takes time, patience, and practice. Below is a semi-structure you can adapt and personalise.

Welcome, notice, and thank: “Hello, thought of I’m just not good enough. I notice that you’re appearing at a moment that feels unhelpful for me. I’m thankful for you showing up. I’d like to be present with you right now.” Really welcome the thought internally; be at one with it. If you’re trying to push it away, acknowledge that too.

Curious: What can I learn from you? What message are you bringing me? Where do you come from? Is this thought in your own voice or someone else’s tone? What is the role of this thought?

Observe: Describe the thought and give it a name. Where am I feeling the thought in my body? (Stomach, chest, back, neck, head.) Can I link this thought to a moment, an experience, or a relational interaction? Is the thought shouting? Is it subtle but heavy? Can I observe a pattern of when this thought arises — certain times, emotional triggers, relational triggers, trauma triggers?

Evidence: What facts challenge or contradict this thought? Is it based on fact or assumption?

Nurture: I can practice self-compassion by allowing myself to feel and notice this thought. I can nurture this thought, acknowledging it may take time. I owe this to myself. I am safe right now, in this moment; there is no risk or harm. I deserve clarity and a peaceful mind. I deserve to be in control of the thoughts that come and go as they please (personal favourite).

Say goodbye and thank you for engaging with me on my terms. You may leave now; you’re free to return, and I (the adult self) will help guide you. Visualise the thought leaving — blow it away physically and smile at it. Hug yourself tight. Smile at yourself and show gratitude for taking control.

It works for me! Anxiety is an inherent part of being human, and by recognising it as a natural response, we can embrace it with compassion. Naming and engaging with your anxiety (like Ani) allows for gratitude and reflection while creating space to unlearn unhelpful triggers. Through self-awareness and deliberate action, we can rewire our neural pathways and foster a healthier, more balanced relationship with our anxiety.