Coping with bereavement

When a friend or member of the family dies, seeing a bereavement counsellor can often help. While it is not needed in every case, seeing a counsellor can be very useful for those who are struggling with feelings of loss.

Grief is different for everyone

Grief and bereavement are very individual experiences; what works for one person may be of little use to another.

Often there is a feeling for the bereaved that there is lots of support until after the funeral, then a period of understanding but less support. The bereaved person may begin to feel that others think they should be moving on, and may even feel judged in their grief.

Yet grief can bring a variety of difficult feelings, some of which may not surface until after the funeral when you have some time to yourself to reflect. Counselling can help you manage your grief and provide a space to express your emotions and feelings. It can also help you maintain your everyday life while adjusting to your loss.

Support can be key to coping with grief. Close family ties, where you can talk about the person who has died and share memories, may be particularly helpful. Bereavement counselling can provide additional support, but does not necessarily replace the support that may come from family, friends and others around you.

Difficult feelings after a bereavement

Often there are unbidden, unwanted thoughts. Perhaps you find yourself angry at the person who has died, or you find yourself talking to them or feeling their presence. Experiences such as these can occur during grief and may form part of the way you adjust to your loss.

We can also find ourselves feeling guilty – we imagine we could have done more, or something was left unsaid and it troubles us. Some types of bereavement can bring particularly difficult challenges, such as the death of a child, sudden death, murder or suicide. Often these can lead to thoughts of “if only…”

A counsellor can help you explore these fears and the emotions and feelings that can go hand in hand with guilt and regret.

There is no set timetable for grief. Some people may find their feelings change relatively quickly, while for others grief remains present for much longer. Rather than needing to “get over” the person who has died, over time we may begin to find ways of remembering them, living with the loss and moving forward with our lives.

As with all journeys, it can be helpful to be accompanied, whether by a family member, friend or counsellor.

When might counselling help?

Some people will find it difficult to sleep after bereavement or find they drink to cope with the pain or loneliness. Some people might feel they will never stop crying or that, even after some time has passed, their grief feels just as overwhelming.

If some of this sounds familiar, it might be worth talking to a counsellor or your GP to get some help.

You are not alone in struggling with loss, and there is no correct timetable for grief. Many people need additional support following a death, and a counsellor can offer you a safe, non-judgemental space to explore what you are experiencing and begin to find a way forward with your loss.