Christian counselling and the therapeutic relationship

This article is all about exploring how Christian counselling builds and maintains the therapeutic relationship between client and counsellor. 

I believe the foundation and efficacy of any form of counselling, in the end, has everything to do with the quality of the relationship. For example; it does no good to fire a million bible verses or endlessly recommend counselling techniques (they might be all relevant and true) if the therapeutic relationship isn’t grounded in the very things which make relationships healthy and nurturing, that is to say, is the therapeutic relationship, between the Christian counsellor and client, genuine? Importantly, is the counsellor showing unwavering care to the client? Does the counsellor show active empathy to the client? 

It might just be, that when clients look back at their experience of counselling, it might not be the intellectual content that comes from the counsellor, rather, it was the counsellor's heart attitude and their willingness to reach out to the client, which mattered, i.e. “I felt my counsellor never judged me, he was next to me through the storm”, “This is a space where I can explore safely, being held and supported to grow, in order build confidence in my judgments”. 

The Bible has a lot to say when it comes to forming relationships; this is one of its main instructional messages. How do two people, who come from different backgrounds and have different personalities, come together in partnership to work on and achieve goals? How do a Christian counsellor and a client (be it Christian or non-Christian) work to achieve therapeutic growth?

I want to share three Bible verses which are all to do with building a therapeutic relationship between the Christian counsellor and the client, that promotes growth and works towards client goals. They are:

1. Being real (Romans 12:9) 
2. Unwavering care (Romans 12:10)
3. Active empathy (Romans 12:15) 

1. Being real

“Let love be genuine…” (Romans 12:9) 

The word ‘love’ in this verse is taken from the Greek word ‘agape’ which I take to mean, in the theoretical context, it's the highest and purest form of love, that seeks to serve others by promoting their well-being. 

If any relationship, especially a therapeutic one, is to be formed, then the Christian counsellor needs to be themselves with the client, to be real and genuine in their listening and responding. 

If I, as the counsellor, wear a mask that gives tones of ‘professionalism’ or being a ‘spiritual authority’, it's very unlikely clients will feel comfortable being themselves, and their defences will go up. But, if I can come as me, a Christian, a man of many sins and imperfections, ‘warts and all’, how much more likely will the client feel comfortable to be themselves with me?

From the place of being genuine with each other, trust will form. Not only that, if the client can be real with me or with the Christian counsellor, they will start to be real with themselves too, perhaps for the very first time. They will begin to hear what they are saying and think and feel what they genuinely feel. 

2. Unwavering care 

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honour…” (Romans 12:10)

As the Christian counsellor is making every effort to be their authentic self with the client, promoting an environment for the client to become increasingly real with themselves, the client is also met with unconditional and persistent care from the counsellor. 

This type of care for the client isn’t earned or made conditional, it’s freely given. Regardless of the content that’s being expressed by the client, be it shameful or overwhelming, regardless if the client is a Christian or not, within the therapeutic space, the Christian counsellor is expressing care that’s rooted in love. 

Interestingly, the word ‘love’ in this verse is that it’s taken from the Greek word ‘Philadelphia’, which speaks to a brotherly or sisterly love. In the counselling context, I take this to mean that all people are made in the image of God, therefore, all are deserving of respect and care. 

So for the Christian counsellor, all people are like kinsmen to him. If the counsellor is unwavering in their care of the client, they are essential in offering rich and nutritious foods that will serve to strengthen the therapeutic relationship and for the client to grow strong in themselves.

3. Active empathy

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)

The final quality that a client ought to expect from their Christian counsellor is the counsellor’s active participation in the journey with the client, meeting them in their world. 

Nothing is more validating and lifts the darkness of loneliness than someone coming to the level of the other person, listening and doing all they can to understand where the other person is coming from. 

The Christian counsellor works hard to not only enter the world of the client but actively journey with the client through their world. The counsellor becomes like a companion. It might be the counsellor may find things in the client's world that the client wasn’t aware of, drawing their attention for consideration, which may grant invaluable insight for the client. 

The Christian counsellor genuinely celebrates the joys of the client and is unwavering in care, when the client shares and is in pain. This sort of empathy isn’t mere passivity like a mirror; rather, it’s active, another set of eyes, brains and hearts that’s fully engaged working hard to be attuned emotionally with the client. 

Although Christian counselling may seem exclusive for some, at the core, it seeks to share the highest and best love of them all, thereby, it’s universally offered to anyone who is seeking therapy. This type of love is not short in supply but is overflowing from one whose depths are infinite. 

The therapeutic relationship, from the Christian counselling point of view, is the most powerful means for therapeutic growth and change. We were all made for relationships. 

Wishing you well.