Children’s mental health after suicide - A myriad of emotions

The death of a parent is one of the most devastating events a child can endure. When that death is by suicide, the emotional aftermath becomes even more complex. Grieving the loss of a parent is never straightforward, but when the death comes with confusion, stigma, and unanswered questions, it can leave a child navigating a maze of overwhelming emotions with little understanding of how or where to begin.

The numbers behind the pain

According to the Childhood Bereavement Network, in 2021, an estimated 46,300 children in the UK lost a parent. That’s around 127 children each day. While not all of these deaths were by suicide, figures from the Office for National Statistics reported 5,583 suicides in England and Wales in 2021, many of whom were parents. Cruse Bereavement Support notes that parental suicide, although less common than other forms of parental death, carries a uniquely complicated grief that children often struggle to process without specific, tailored support.

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) highlight that children who experience the suicide of a parent are significantly more vulnerable to developing emotional and behavioural difficulties. They are also at higher risk of experiencing mental health challenges later in life, including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal ideation.

The emotional landscape for a child

The emotional impact on a child following a parent’s suicide is layered and enduring. Feelings of guilt, confusion, abandonment, and anger are common. Children may wonder, “Was it my fault?” or “Could I have done something to stop it?” These thoughts, though unfounded, can take root deeply and persist over time.

There is also the social stigma that often surrounds suicide. Unlike other bereavements, children may feel pressure to keep the cause of death a secret or may be subject to insensitive remarks from peers or even adults. This isolation can hinder the grieving process, causing children to internalise their emotions rather than express them openly.

The crucial role of the surviving parent

While the child is grieving, so too is the surviving parent or caregiver. They are faced with a dual burden – coping with their own immense grief while trying to emotionally support their child. This is not only emotionally taxing but often overwhelming. It is essential that both child and surviving parent receive support, not just in the immediate aftermath, but in the months and years that follow.

According to Cruse, the quality of the relationship between the child and the surviving parent is one of the most important protective factors following bereavement by suicide. A nurturing, open, and emotionally available parent can significantly buffer the child against some of the long-term psychological risks associated with this kind of grief. This means that supporting the grieving parent is, in effect, supporting the child. Whether through therapy, peer groups, or practical help, ensuring the caregiver's well-being is a vital part of helping the child heal.

Schools: A pillar of support

In many cases, school is the primary setting outside the home where a bereaved child spends their time. It is often where they are most visible – and most vulnerable. Teachers and school staff can play a crucial role in identifying children who are struggling and providing both emotional support and a sense of routine and normality.

However, schools must be prepared. According to SOBS and Cruse, many educators still feel under-equipped to support children bereaved by suicide. Training teachers to recognise signs of grief, respond compassionately, and facilitate communication with the family is essential. Schools can also offer counselling or connect families with specialist services.

Most importantly, schools and the surviving parent need to work in close partnership. Regular communication can ensure the child’s needs are understood and met holistically. It also reassures the grieving parent that their child is being seen and supported in a consistent way. A collaborative approach between home and school provides the child with a united front of care, compassion, and stability.

Looking ahead: Grief doesn’t expire

Grief after a parent’s suicide does not follow a timeline. Milestones, anniversaries, and everyday moments can all trigger waves of sadness or confusion, sometimes years later. That’s why ongoing support and understanding are critical. What a child may struggle to process at age seven or earlier may look very different at age 17.

Understanding the unique grief a child experiences after a parent’s suicide helps us respond not with silence but with empathy and action. It reminds us that both the grieving child and the surviving parent deserve compassion, tailored support, and a community that is not afraid to talk about grief, even when it is uncomfortable.

By investing in that understanding, in homes, schools, and services, we can begin to break the silence and ensure that no child carries the weight of such a loss on their own.