Breaking free: Dyslexia, and the journey beyond the false self

Having worked with patients with dyslexia and being dyslexic myself, I thought I would write an article exploring the impact this condition can have on mental health. It is my intention to illuminate beyond the many assumptions and misunderstandings that exist around dyslexia and discuss a powerful therapeutic approach which can help relieve the emotional impact of this condition.

Although dyslexia is commonly recognised as a reading and writing disability, it can also impact how individuals process sensory information from their environment. People with dyslexia can become overloaded by sensory input such as noise, light, textures and movement. This is an often overlooked aspect of dyslexia and can lead to overwhelm which can have a profound impact on daily functioning. Dyslexia can also impact short-term memory, organisation and verbal expression – individuals may struggle to find the right word or phrase for a given situation, which can become frustrating. 

I feel that dyslexia is far more complex and multifaceted than many people realise. It is often misperceived as being a disability, instead, I believe that dyslexia is a presentation of neurodiversity. Like autism and other presentations of neurodiversity, I feel that dyslexia plays an important role in society. Dyslexic individuals can excel in creative, entrepreneurial, or artistic fields. Their ability to think outside the box, visualise complex concepts, and approach problems from unique angles can contribute to areas that value problem-solving, innovation, creativity and unconventional thinking.

Many impactful people have been diagnosed with dyslexia, including Steven Spielberg, Richard Branson and the late Steve Jobs. It is thought that Albert Einstein, Pablo Picasso and Leonardo De Vinci may have also had dyslexia. Personally, I feel that dyslexia has greatly enhanced my skill and capacity as a psychotherapist. I have learned that it allows me to visualise, synthesise and apply complex theories to therapeutic situations. It took me many years to discover how to work with my own presentation of dyslexia rather than working hard against it and believing my difference was something to hide.

From early childhood into adulthood, those with dyslexia frequently face challenges that shape their self-esteem, relationships, and overall mental health. Common misunderstandings around dyslexia can lead an individual to develop mental health difficulties. For example, society can often be experienced as oppressive to people with a neuro-diverse presentation such as dyslexia.

Neuro-typical narratives around what is defined as normal might lead neuro-diverse people to develop negative judgements and beliefs about themselves. Dyslexic people might believe they have an intellectual deficit and therefore might assume that they cannot thrive in certain roles. These kinds of assumptions can affect individuals throughout their lives, particularly if the condition goes undiagnosed or misunderstood.

Low self-esteem and identity struggles

One of the most prevalent emotional consequences of dyslexia is low self-esteem. Children with dyslexia are often keenly aware of their struggles. This awareness can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially when compared to peers who may perform well in school. The repeated experience of failure can create a belief that they are somehow not enough, therefore, damaging their self-confidence. Over time, this belief can become part of a person’s identity, leading to ongoing struggles with self-worth throughout adolescence and adulthood.

Anxiety and stress

The emotional toll of dyslexia can also lead to anxiety. Individuals with dyslexia may develop a fear of sensory overload or of performing particular tasks. This anxiety can be driven by shame and the compounded fear of being judged by others. As a result, many people with dyslexia dread and avoid situations that expose their difficulties - this avoidance can lead to increased stress. Adults with dyslexia may continue to experience anxiety in the workplace or in social settings, particularly when they feel their dyslexia might be exposed or they experience continued misunderstandings from colleagues. Many individuals with dyslexia also experience deep frustration, confusion and anger. This is due to the discrepancy between their intelligence and their ability to both verbally express their thoughts and perform specific tasks.

The ‘false self’ as a coping strategy

Despite these challenges, many individuals with dyslexia develop resilience and adaptive strategies. Because they face challenges from a young age, many dyslexic individuals cultivate persistence and problem-solving skills that can help to support them to succeed. However, this persistence and hard work can branch into a state of excess which can then lead to exhaustion and burnout. In therapy, I have noticed how dyslexic people commonly come to realise that they have been working hard their whole lives due to internalised negative beliefs of somehow not being enough. In therapy, individuals begin to see how they unconsciously carry negative assumptions about themselves into new endeavours and situations.

Over the life span, self-protective strategies become unconscious and contribute to the development of a ‘false self’. The concept of the "false self" was originally coined by the influential psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. The ‘false self’ refers to a constructed identity individuals create in order to cope with emotional pain, disapproval, or societal pressure. For individuals with dyslexia, the pressure to fit in and perform like their peers leads to an unconscious masking of their true struggles and emotions.

The fear of exposure pushes dyslexic individuals to maintain a mask of competence, even when they feel overwhelmed. This emotional suppression can make it harder for people to express themselves authentically and to seek support where required. Constantly hiding one’s true abilities and feelings creates a disconnect between a person’s internal experience and outward behaviour. Feeling trapped within these protective strategies can ultimately lead to a sense of isolation and depression.

How life span integration can help

The therapeutic approach of life span integration can be especially powerful in helping dyslexic people realise their own self-worth and live congruently with their condition. Through this modality of psychotherapy, individuals can bring to consciousness the unconscious protective strategies they might have developed across their lifespan. For example, the belief of ‘others need me to be more than I am…’ and the strategy of ‘.therefore, I must work hard can be deeply realised and then powerfully shifted.

Listening to repetitions of one’s own personal timeline of memory cues with an attuned therapist brings clarity and insight to internalised strategies and beliefs. An individual can then both psychologically and physiologically step back from the way they have been living their life and note the impact of these strategies on their mind/body system.  Their inherent and integral core self-worth can be both felt and thought about as a reality beneath the adopted strategies and negative beliefs. This experience can be extremely empowering and can lead to sustained changes in the nervous system.

The mind realises what it thought was true about the self, might not be true. An individual with dyslexia may then realise that they no longer need to be vigilant and self-protective, they no longer require a ‘false self’. They can instead bring self-compassion into their nervous systems allowing expression and celebration of their unique strengths and capacities. This can help people live more authentically, they can learn how to live with their dyslexia rather than fighting against it. However, compassionately living with one’s own neurodiversity is a challenge which requires ongoing intention, learning and support.

Exercise

Sometimes creating a self-audit can be a useful step towards living with, as opposed to against, dyslexia. It is important to self-audit from a self-compassionate stance - holding unconditional positive self-regard as you answer the following questions:

1. What learning methods work best for me?
2. What tools do I benefit from? Audiobooks, text-to-speak software, mind mapping?
3. What are my specific difficulties?
4. What situations bring me into a state of overwhelm?
5.  What strategies can I implement to reduce frustration when things feel overwhelming?
6. What strategies aid my memory?
7.  Have I ever felt discouraged because of my dyslexia, and how do I handle those feelings?
8. What are my strengths and how can I use them?
9. What adjustments or additional support might I need going forward?
10. How can I welcome and accept my dyslexia?

Having a supportive network can provide a safe space for dyslexic individuals to express their true feelings and abilities. This is important in many contexts - from work, and academia to social and family domains. Continued awareness and open conversations about the challenge of dyslexia can reduce the pressure to maintain protective strategies. This can reduce anxiety, depression and burnout in dyslexic individuals. As mentioned, it took me many years to learn how to accept and work with my own presentation of dyslexia, this is still an ongoing project as I continue to discover and explore my own limitations and gifts.