Are you feeling dissatisfied and unhappy with your life?

Was there a time when you felt more excited by things and generally happier? Feelings like this can creep up on us over time without us realising and we can find it difficult to know where they come from.

We all have ups and downs in life and we cannot expect to feel happy all of the time, however, when you have a more prolonged and gradually increasing feeling of heaviness, like you’re carrying a burden on your shoulders, that’s when something needs to be addressed.

These feelings are an important sign that something is not right but sometimes, understandably, we try to do everything we can to push them away or ignore them because they are uncomfortable or even painful.

A little digging and self-reflection can help to reveal more about what’s going on and there are things we can do to improve our lives and feel better.

Five ideas to bring clarity

Here are five things you can do that can help to bring more clarity:

1. Journaling

Get yourself a notepad, make sure you feel free to write whatever you like, and don’t worry about grammar, spelling or structure. This journal is only for you, keep it secure so that you are not worried about anyone finding it and reading it. It needs to be private so that you can write whatever you want. Just start writing, let it flow and see what comes up.

2. Talking

Is there someone in your life that you feel you could open up to? Someone whom you trust to keep things confidential, who you feel will listen? Often people say they don’t want to burden someone else but it might help the other person to open up to you about something they’ve got on their mind and could bring you closer.

3. Changing routine

Sometimes we feel trapped by our circumstances and responsibilities. We think we don’t have time to do anything differently and we trudge through the same routine week after week. Could you make a change, even a small one? Do you have to rush home after work or college? Could you ask for more support? Could you take the long route and walk home? Making small changes can open space in our lives.

4. Connecting to others

We are wired for connection with others, we need it but our world is becoming increasingly disconnected. It is possible, depending on your circumstances to find that you’ve not spoken to another human for a whole day or more. We also tend to isolate ourselves when we don’t feel happy. Who would want to be with me if I am not my fun and outgoing self?

Without relating to others our thoughts can get trapped in our heads, go round and round and get magnified. Are you turning down invitations or not reaching out to others? Connection can help us get out of our own thoughts. When we realise other people are having problems too, it can normalise ours and help us to not feel so alone.

5. Sit with the feeling

It is totally understandable to want to escape and ignore the feelings and push them away. We can use a plethora of unhealthy coping strategies that serve to help us to do this. We might go on our phones, eat, drink, take drugs or have sex in order to help us escape, as soon as we start to feel uncomfortable. These strategies work in the moment but can become a habit, make us feel worse and feelings get stored up and become problematic.

Try to notice if you are doing that, what would it be like to sit with the feeling for a bit? Can you identify it? Is it jealousy, loneliness or powerlessness - can you name it? What does it feel like in your body, whereabouts is it?

Practice feeling empathy for yourself, if that feels alien, think about how you would react to a friend who was having these feelings. I want to emphasise that you need to be kind and gentle to yourself whilst doing any of the things above. The feelings you are having are completely valid and have a reason. It’s totally understandable that you feel the way you do given what you’ve been through or are going through. I’ve never met a client where this wasn’t the case!

These exercises may be enough to help you to make changes and improve your mood. However, they may reveal more work to do.

Have you considered talking to a counsellor? You don’t need to have a diagnosed mental health problem to access therapy, and the earlier you address the issues, the sooner you will feel better. A counsellor is completely removed from your life, they are trained to listen and respond and can help you to gain insight into what may be contributing to you feeling this way.

If you think that working with a trained counsellor might be something you’d like to explore, reach out to a professional today.