Acceptance - can you learn to accept someone who is difficult?

In your relationship, have you ever wished that your partner would just see things ‘your way’? Do you catch yourself thinking, ‘why can’t they see my point of view?’ Perhaps the issue isn’t with them, but maybe your approach. 

So, what is acceptance? Acceptance could be being able to see that others have the right to be themselves, even if this means they are different than you. They have a right to their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions, again even if they are different to yours. Accepting them for who they are helps to let go of the desire to change them. We are all individuals, with different personalities, traits, goals etc. and accepting others is recognising that they are different, and that is OK.

Why is acceptance important? Acceptance means fully acknowledging the facts of a person and/or situation, and not fixating on what you feel they are doing wrong. We cannot control others, but we can look to control ourselves, which ultimately impacts on others around us.

Rather than trying to get them to change their mindset or telling them to think a different way, perhaps we need to look at ourselves first, and change our approach. Below are a few tips to consider about your own mindset and behaviour first!

How do you show acceptance? Empathy can play a huge part in accepting others, seeing things from their perspective, demonstrating compassion, and interest in them and their situation. Here are a few other tips that may help you to accept others, which may involve changing your perspective and mindset.

1. Allow others to be different

Remember the saying “opposites attract”? Whilst opposites can feel challenging to us because they are different, they can also be hugely complementary. Your weaker areas may be their stronger areas so that between you, you can become more resilient and robust.

Get to know each other better and there may be more common themes than you initially may have thought. You just might be approaching the same situation from different perspectives, yet when sharing and listening we can arrive at a similar place.

2. Give thoughtful advice

Really listen to what they are saying, clear your mind of your opinions and questions and really get in tune with what they are saying to you. Pause and reflect, then if appropriate ask relevant questions to clarify any points to ensure you really understand what they are saying. Then offer your thoughts, demonstrating empathy and compassion. If you do not have any advice, tell them and offer to be there to help them talk through their own thoughts.

3. Offer non-judgement

It can be so difficult to not judge others by our own standards, views, and opinions. If we are honest with ourselves, I would suggest that we all judge others sometimes, based on our own opinions, bias, upbringing etc. Again, empathy is so useful here to try and look beyond ourselves, and to really see what others are experiencing and more importantly, why. Perhaps we need to remind ourselves, from time to time, that we are all doing the best that we can with what we have and where we are at this moment in time.

Why is acceptance important in a relationship? If we cannot accept our partner for who they are and what they bring to you, and your relationship, then this can have a significant impact on the relationship. We are not in competition with our partner, nor are we there to compare ourselves against each other.

A relationship is made up of two individuals coming together to create a whole, who have a connection or, as in Married at First Sight UK, have an “appreciation” for the other party. We do not have to be perfect, but imperfections draw us to each other just as much as the perfections that we see.

This is the final article in the three-part series based around the three core components of a healthy relationship - communication, compromise and acceptance (read my previous articles, Married at First Sight UK - love it or hate it? and Compromising between couples - why should I when I am right?).

I have loosely used Married at First Sight UK as an example of these three components, sometimes proof of and sometimes absence of. Whatever your views on Married at First Sight UK, it does show how tricky relationships can be and how much work and effort is required from both parties for it to be successful.

If any of this resonates with you, and you feel that you and your partner would benefit from couples therapy or individual therapy, please feel free to contact me.