How to support someone with a gambling addiction

It can be difficult being the friend, partner or family member of someone who struggles with a gambling addiction. It might seem hard to understand why they don’t just stop. Can’t they see the damage it’s doing to their health, relationships and wallets? 

Someone in the grip of a gambling addiction may also know this themselves. People with any addiction often struggle with low self-esteem, and knowing they are doing something harmful to themselves and their loved ones makes the cycle even harder to break as the worse they feel, the more they feel the need to ‘escape’. 

A gambling addiction, like any, is just this: an ‘escape’. It allows someone, temporarily, to ‘exist’ in a world with no problems. ‘This time will be it’ they might tell themselves as they put half their life savings down on the outcome of a game they have convinced themselves will be the key to their success. In their imagination, they are already a winner. This can feel exhilarating.

What’s underneath the addiction? 

Underneath the addiction, a person often has the deep-seated belief of not being enough as they are. They are seeking a ‘quick fix’ to perceived problems in their life often, misguidedly, in an attempt to make others around them happy too. 

For most addicts, there is a deep dissatisfaction with their life as it is. Something ‘feels wrong’ and they engage in addictive behaviour (such as gambling) in an attempt to ‘put things right’.  

We are conditioned from a young age to believe that money is the solution to our problems. ‘Buy more stuff!’' is the message we are constantly bombarded with on our television and phone screens. Is it any wonder people believe it is a ‘quick fix’ to their problems?

Stay with what is 

The ‘solution’ to any addiction is for a person to see they can be happy and content with what they have right now. This can take time, as the brain needs to ‘re-wire’ from its dependency on the neurotransmitter dopamine for that ‘hit’ or ‘buzz’ that’s currently linked to gambling behaviour.

Many people with addiction issues are ‘avoiding themselves’. They might not trust themselves (a pattern sadly exacerbated by the addictive behaviour) and may feel it is not safe to be who they are.

Being a mirror to people with a gambling addiction can be a way for them to connect with their true selves and see it is safe and even preferable for them to be in this space too. Encouraging healthy behaviours and positive self-care will help, and over time may be internalised.

However, this should not be the sole job of the person’s partner, family member or friend. It is important for the person struggling with a gambling addiction to get help for themselves, through therapy, a support group or something else. It is not possible for anyone to ‘fix’ anyone else. 

Take care of yourself 

It can be very challenging to support a person with a gambling addiction. They may offer glimmers of hope, saying they will get help or that this will ‘be the last time’ before relapsing again the following week. When this happens it's important to remember it’s not your fault.

You can do a lot to highlight another way to someone, but the best way to do this is to model it yourself. Have good boundaries, know what you will and won’t accept from the person you’re supporting and communicate this clearly to them. Be compassionate and understanding, but make sure you put your health first. 

How therapy can help 

Therapy might help you develop healthy boundaries with a person struggling with a gambling addiction and can help you maintain your self-worth and confidence when someone in your life appears to put their addiction before relationships. 

It might be helpful to find a therapist who works with couples and who can help your partner, family member or friend understand the impact their addiction is having on you. Being honest about this can be a good motivator for someone to get help for themselves.

Addiction is a difficult habit to beat, but with the right support, motivation and courage, it’s possible. However, what also takes support, motivation and courage is to be there alongside someone else on their journey. Make sure you recognise this, celebrate yourself and give yourself the love and attention you are putting out there to others.