A parent's guide to navigating the mental health journey at uni

If you are reading this, the chances are your child is off to uni or already there, and you're wondering how to support their mental health from afar. It's a tricky business, but don't worry, let's look into how you can help your young adult navigate the ups and downs of uni life while keeping their mental health in check. 

Understanding the university landscape

Starting uni is a massive change for most young people. They are suddenly thrust into a new environment, often far from home, with unfamiliar faces and routines. It's no wonder that many students experience some degree of mental health struggle.

Common challenges include:

• homesickness and loneliness
• academic pressure
• financial stress
• identity exploration
• relationship difficulties

Spotting the signs

Even if you're not seeing your child every day, there are still ways to pick up on potential red flags:

• drastic changes in communication patterns
• withdrawal from social activities
• significant changes in sleep or eating habits
• expressing feelings of hopelessness or being overwhelmed
• neglecting personal hygiene or academic responsibilities 

Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.

Fostering open communication

Keeping in touch with your child is crucial. Here are some tips:

• Regular check-ins: Set up a schedule for calls or video chats but be flexible. Some weeks they might need more contact, others less.
• Listen without judgement: When they open up, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Sometimes, they just need to be heard. Sometimes, they need to work it out themselves.
• Share your experiences: If you went to uni, talk about your own challenges and how you overcame them. This normalises their struggles.
• Use multiple channels: Mix it up with texts, voice messages, or even good old-fashioned letters. Different modes of communication can encourage openness. 

Encouraging self-care

Uni life can be chaotic, but basic self-care is essential for mental well-being. Gently remind your child to:

• get enough sleep (easier said than done, but crucial!)
• eat regular meals (even nutritious ones from time to time)
• exercise, (this includes a walk between lectures or dancing the night away)
• take breaks and engage in hobbies or relaxation techniques 

Encourage them to find a routine that works for them. A structure can be incredibly grounding during times of stress. 

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Understanding university support systems

Most unis offer mental health services but navigating them can be daunting. Here's what you should know:

• GP: It's important to register with the local GP services as soon as the course begins, rather than waiting until an emergency arises.
• Counselling services: Many universities provide free, confidential counselling to students. Encourage your child to reach out early if they're struggling, rather than waiting for a crisis.
• Academic support: Personal tutors, disability services, and study skills workshops can help with academic-related stress.
• Well-being initiatives: Look for uni-run programs like mindfulness sessions, peer support groups, or mental health awareness events.
• Student unions: Often have dedicated welfare officers and can be a great source of support and information.

Familiarise yourself with these resources so you can guide your child if needed. Remember, though, that due to confidentiality rules, the uni can't share information about your child's mental health without their consent.

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If depression strikes and uni isn't helping

Now, let's talk about a tricky situation: your child is depressed and not attending lectures, and the uni seems to be doing nothing about it. Plus, they won't let you get involved. It's frustrating but this is what you can do:

• Keep communicating with your child: Even if they're withdrawing, keep reaching out regularly. Let them know you're there to support them without judgement.
• Encourage professional help: Gently urge your child to seek help through the uni's counselling services or their GP. If they're reluctant, offer to help them make the appointment or accompany them if possible.
• Know your rights: While universities often can't share specific information due to privacy laws, you can still alert them to your concerns. Research the uni's policies on sharing information with parents.
• Escalate your concerns: If the uni continues to be unresponsive, consider escalating your concerns to higher levels of administration or student welfare offices. Be persistent in seeking answers about what support is available.
• Explore alternative options: If your child is seriously struggling, discuss the possibility of taking a break from studies or transferring to a uni closer to home. Sometimes a change of environment can be beneficial. 

Remember, while the university may limit your direct involvement, you can still play a crucial role in encouraging your child to seek help and advocate for their needs. 

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Helping overcome suicidal thoughts from afar

No parent wants to be in this situation and while discussing suicidal thoughts can be challenging, it is crucial to be prepared and informed. Here's how you can help from afar:

Take it seriously:

Any mention of suicide should be taken seriously. Don't dismiss it as attention-seeking or a phase. Stay calm and listen: If your child expresses suicidal thoughts, stay calm and listen without judgement. Let them know you're there for them and that their life matters.

Assess the risk:

Ask direct questions about whether they have a plan or have taken any steps towards suicide. This won't put the idea in their head, but it will help you to understand the urgency of the situation.

Know the emergency contacts:

Have the contact details for their university's security services, local emergency services, and mental health crisis teams on hand.

Encourage professional help:

Urge them to speak to their university's counselling service or GP. Offer to help them make the appointment if needed.

Create a safety plan:

Work with your child to create a safety plan. This should include coping strategies, emergency contacts, and steps to take during a crisis.

Stay connected:

Increase check-ins during this time. Send care packages, letters, or anything that reminds them they're loved and valued.

Involve others:

If possible, alert their friends or flatmates to keep an eye out for them. Consider contacting their personal tutor or university welfare team if you're seriously concerned.

Know when to act:

If you believe your child is in immediate danger, don't hesitate to contact emergency services, even if it's from a distance.

Remember, supporting a child with mental health issues at uni can be incredibly stressful for you too. Make sure you're looking after your mental health and seeking support when you need it. 

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Navigating your child's mental health journey at uni isn't easy, but with patience, understanding, and the right support, you can help them through this challenging time. Remember, you're not alone in this, there is always hope, even in the darkest moments. Keep fighting the good fight, parents – you've got this!

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Organisations that offer support to suicidal young adults 

Papyrus (Prevention of Young Suicide)
Provides advice and support for young people who feel suicidal
Helpline: 0800 068 41 41
Text: 88247
Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
Aimed at young people under 35

Samaritans
24/7 listening service for anyone in distress
Helpline: 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
Offers support to anyone in the UK through helpline and webchat
Helpline: 0800 58 58 58
Webchat is available on their website

YoungMinds
Mental health charity focused on children and young people
Offers information, advice and support for young people and parents/carers

The Mix
Provides free confidential support for under 25s
Helpline: 0808 808 4994
Offers phone counselling, webchat, and email support

Childline
For anyone under 19 in the UK
Helpline: 0800 1111
Offers phone and online chat counselling

Shout
24/7 text support service for anyone in crisis
Text: 85258