Emma Davey - BACP Counsellor & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach
My name is Emma Davey. I am a qualified integrative counsellor and a recovery coach for victims that have suffered from Narcissistic Abuse.
I offer online Counselling and Trauma Therapy using different methods and tools from:
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
- Narrative Therapy
- Gestalt Therapy
- Solution Focused Therapy
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
My belief is that no single approach is better than another and the therapies I use depend on the person I work with and the type of issues being experienced.
I have a wide range of experience in Addiction, Narcissistic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Trauma (past and present) and Relationship Issues. I have also worked extensively with clients that suffer from stress, PTSD, anxiety, depression, suicide and self-harm.
Life can be overwhelming at times where you feel alone and not believe you have anyone to talk to, friends and family are not always available or the best people to speak with to get unbiased support. My service is completely confidential, you can be yourself and express whatever you may be feeling. In order to address the problems properly you must be completely honest with yourself and say what is really causing the issues. I work from a non-judgemental and honest approach and acknowledge that nobody is the same which is why I tailor each session based on every individual client, there is no such thing as one therapy theory fits all.
What to Expect In Your First Session:
During the first session with each client I carry out an assessment by asking questions and taking notes and exploring what you wish to obtain from your counselling sessions and what your goals are. Together we will work on achieving those goals within each session we have, I will provide tools in which you will be able to continue to use in your everyday life.
Counselling is all about you. Life can be very hectic at times where you forget who is important and neglect your own feelings. Counselling gives you the safe space to be yourself and to be heard, you have nothing to lose but a lot to gain. Self-care is self-worth – because your life and future matters!
NARCISSISTIC ABUSE - Are you a Victim?
Sometimes we do not even realise we have been abused. We have that gut instinct telling us that that something is not quite right, but putting your finger on one specific thing can be hard. Narcissists have many different faces. At the beginning you feel like you have met the most incredible person, your soul mate. They have all the same interests as you and like everything you do and plan the future you have always dreamed of – this is called future faking and mirroring. Narcissists watch and listen to everything you say and pretend they are the same. You fall in love with yourself. The love bombing stage is where they hook you in and push your boundaries to see how much you will take. They will flatter you with affection, gifts, compliments and before you know it, they have told you they have fallen in love with you.
Narcissists are very quick movers they want you under their spell quickly. Due to this stage being all an act, it’s very exhausting for them to be so nice all the time. Once they know they’ve got you where they want you, they then start to control and manipulate you into being who they want you to be. Their mask starts to slip, you start to see their true colours.
You may notice small things at first, such as them going through your phone, checking your social media and questioning who you are friends with and why. Narcissists are very clever and plant seeds in your head to make you question yourself and your beliefs. They talk to you in a passive aggressive way, which starts making you doubt yourself. Before you know it your circle of friends starts to diminish, they have isolated you from your loved ones. You find yourself walking on eggshells around them to ensure you keep them happy. On the outside you are wearing a smile, but inside you are screaming. You start asking yourself who is this person and now and again the Narcissist will give a little glimpse of what they were like in the beginning, giving you hope that the amazing person is still there. This is where you have been trauma bonded.
You live in hope that they will return to the amazing person they showed you in the beginning and allow yourself to be put through hell just to have few moments of happiness. This is where you have become addicted to this type of “love”. When the Narcissist is nice to you and gives you affection you get a high (your fix) from it, which effects the same part of the brain as drugs or alcohol do, releasing chemicals making you feel good.
This cycle will continue, it never gets better. The Narcissist will then “gas light” you, pulling away and withdrawing all attention to you and leaving you to wonder that you’ve done wrong and you’ll experience very bad withdrawals. This is all part of their plan.
A Narcissist’s intention is to destroy you. They do not love you like you love them. Narcissists have no empathy and feel no remorse for how they treat you, in fact they feel entitled to treat you this way.
To a Narcissist you are their supply for validation, power and control, they need to feel validated and told how wonderful they are, which is why Narcissists are very rarely faithful in relationships, one person can’t give them all the validation and attention they crave because they are empty inside.
Before you know it, you are not the person you used to be, your identity has been robbed and you’re left wondering how you got here by the person who claims to love you so much.
Recovering from a Narcissistic relationship is extremely difficult but not impossible. As soon as the Narcissist feels you are getting stronger they will turn on the charm to hoover you back in, promise to change and before you know it you are back in the cycle of abuse. Narcissistic abuse is deadly, it can kill you!
In some cases Narcissists push their victims so much that one day the victim snaps and lashes out, resulting in the Narcissist being able to play the victim and make out it is in fact them that’s been abused to everyone on the outside. Narcissists are liars they will say and do anything to get their own way.
You may feel the following if you have been affected by a Narcissist:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
loss of emotional control
withdrawn and isolated
constantly walking on eggshells
antisocial – wanting to hide from friends and family
inability to rest and relax
Loss of appetite
change in social behaviour
hyperalert to environment
increased alcohol consumption
Training, qualifications & experience
Diploma in Counselling
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and Coaching
Myself and My Trauma Therapy has been featured in the following media platforms:
Featured in Breaking News IE: https://www.breakingnews.ie/discover/7-ways-to-stop-a-second-wave-of-covid-impacting-your-relationship-1019535.html
Featured in Talk Talk: https://more.talktalk.co.uk/news/2020/10/01/7-ways-to-stop-a-second-wave-of-covid-impacting-your-relationship?
Featured in The Daily Telegraph: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/daughters-husband-controlling-can-do/?fbclid=IwAR2jzeBh8kAzsfyrPkIbtM8SxAAZ7sFY-G20xN7xXaGa-9RBbmlZ4KlbM-4fbclid=IwAR35PoHLqORYj2rQR97VBbjvYSJIrPvaAkUre9yiduvIwihzfdTLNDbSF1s
I have also been a professional guest speaker on TalkRADIO
British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy
BACP is one of the UK’s largest professional bodies for counselling and psychotherapy. Therapists registered with the Association fall into a number of different membership categories such as Individual Member, Registered Member MBACP and Registered Member MBACP (Accred), each standing for different levels of training and experience. MBACP (Accred) and MBACP (Snr Accred) members have achieved a substantial level of training and experience approved by the Association.
Registered members can be found on the BACP Register, which was the first register to achieve Accredited Voluntary Register status issued by the Professional Standards Authority. Individual Members will have completed an appropriate counselling and/or psychotherapy course and started to practise, but will not appear on the BACP Register until they've progressed to Registered Member MBACP status.
All members are bound by a Code of Ethics & Practice and a Complaints Procedure. Accredited by the Professional Standards Authority.
Areas of counselling I deal with
Single Person, 1 Hour - £60
Single person, 1 and Half Hours - £90
Single Person, 2 Hours - £120
Relationship Counselling 1 Hour - £80
Relationship Counselling 2 hours - £140
I run a members only Victims of Narcissistic Recovery Group via zoom. Each week members of the group meet and discuss the effects and recovery methods of Narcissist Abuse. It allows members to share their stories and have a safe environment where they feel heard and understood without judgement. You become part of the fellowship.
Talking to friends/family, that have not experienced this abuse, can be frustrating as others don’t understand why it’s so hard to let go. You’re suffering from an addiction and just like any other addiction such as drugs or alcohol (AOD), you need to focus on your recovery. “Love Addiction” affects the same part of the brain as AOD which is why leaving is so tough, because you start to get withdrawals when you don’t get your fix.
Talking is a huge part of recovery, not only to remind yourself of the trauma you went through but to know you were not to blame. Talking will help you recognise your triggers and develop healthy boundaries to protect yourself in the future.
This group supports you on your journey to recovery and becoming Narcissist free or learning coping strategies if you have no choice in having the Narcissist in your life. You are not on your own – we are all in this together.