Why the stories we tell ourselves are so important

We are all storytellers. It’s a defining characteristic of being human. We seek and share information like no other species of life on the planet. We’re constantly creating narratives about our experiences as we move through life, whether internally in the form of an inner monologue or externally to communicate and connect with others.

Through storytelling, we make sense of our experiences and share meaning with the people around us. For example, I was recently shopping in my town when I saw a neighbour and a smartly dressed woman enter an unoccupied shop. I was surprised and wondered what they were doing there.

My mind began forming questions and ideas about what could be happening. Is the neighbour opening a shop themselves? What kind of shop might it be? These thoughts formed a story which was created internally. Seeing another neighbour on the way home, I shared my story, adding some interpretations and speculations. In turn, this neighbour contributed their own ideas, adding new layers to the story. What began as a private observation transformed into a shared narrative with subtle embellishments and interpretations.

There’s nothing unusual about any of these behaviours. In fact, most of us engage in this every day – observing, interpreting and sharing our experiences. However, this seemingly innocuous behaviour has profound and far-reaching consequences. The stories we tell ourselves shape the way we understand our lives, and those stories are often built upon the legacies of stories passed down by others.

The words, ideas and narratives we inherit influence how we perceive people, events, and even our own sense of self. In my case, my surprise at seeing my neighbour enter the shop was shaped by the story the neighbour had previously shared about their business struggling. That past story shaped my perception and the narrative I created, demonstrating how past narratives influence present understanding.

How cultural stories shape our beliefs

When we look beyond the individual, we can see that storytelling also operates at a cultural and societal level. Many of the beliefs and assumptions we carry are derived from stories told long before we were born. These stories influence the way we view ourselves and others, often unconsciously.

Stereotypical ideas such as men being rational and women being emotional, humans being inherently superior to other animals, or limiting beliefs about gender roles have been passed down through generations and continue to shape our behaviours, choices and relationships. Freud’s early twentieth-century ideas about humans being driven by irrational impulses and therefore needing to be controlled illustrate how stories can solidify into widely accepted truths, shaping entire cultural narratives about human nature.

How language shapes the stories we tell

Language itself is an essential part of storytelling. Words don’t merely describe our experiences; they shape how we understand reality. Yet the influence of words often goes unnoticed, much like the air we breathe.

The translation of the Bible provides a striking example. Some parts of the original text were written in Aramaic, an ancient, poetic language rich in metaphor. When these texts were translated into Greek and later into English, many metaphors were translated literally, and their meaning shifted significantly. Concepts such as good and evil did not exist in the Aramaic language. A more accurate translation would have used terms like ripe and unripe, referring to stages of growth. The use of the words good and evil creates a rigid moral framework, encouraging black-and-white judgements of human behaviour.

Rather than viewing development as a natural process of growth (as we might look at other life, such as a sapling becoming an oak, a kitten becoming a cat, etc.), our thinking about humans is taken in a different direction. In addition, our development is seen differently from that of other forms of life around us. This reinforces the idea that humans are separate from the rest of nature, rather than part of the interconnected cycles of life.

Why the stories we tell ourselves matter

The stories we tell, both individually and collectively, have a huge impact on how we exist in the world. They shape our beliefs, our values and our understanding of our place in the world. They influence the way we interact with others, the way we treat the environment and the way we respond to challenges. Recognising our role as storytellers gives us the power to consciously shape these narratives, to create stories that reflect compassion, understanding and a sense of connection with life around us. By choosing our stories with awareness and care, we can influence not only our own lives, but also the world we collectively create.

When we get lost in our stories, believing them to be the absolute truth, these narratives often begin to dictate our reality. They shape our perception of ourselves, others and the world, narrowing the options we see as available to us. For instance, if we grow up being told we’re clumsy or inadequate, it’s highly likely that this will form part of the story we tell ourselves about who we are. This story can influence our choices, our confidence, and our sense of possibility.

On a collective level, the narratives a society tells itself can shape behaviours, institutions and cultures. If the prevailing story is that humans are superior to other forms of life, this may justify exploiting nature, treating animals and ecosystems as resources to be used for human gain. These cultural narratives underpin not only individual behaviours, but also the systems, policies, organisations and institutions we create.

Often the stories we hold about ourselves and our place in the world remain unchecked and outside of our awareness. Therapy can provide a safe place to bring these narratives into our awareness. Through this process, we can explore other possibilities for our lives. In this way, our stories become not only reflections of who we are, but blueprints for who we can become and the world we wish to create.