Why talking to a real person still matters

As a therapist, I've started noticing that more of the people I work with are also using AI chatbots – computer programs that can have conversations with you. A recent article in Therapy Today magazine said that helping with therapy and companionship is now the number one thing people use AI for, followed by organising their lives and finding purpose.

This started me thinking: why does talking to a real therapist still matter? What are the benefits and risks of using AI chatbots? And how should I advise people who are looking for support?

There's already a lot being written about this new area of support. In this article, I want to share what I've learned from working with two clients who've kindly agreed to share their experiences to help others make better decisions about getting support.

The first person, whom we'll call James, is a creative, private, middle-aged man who had a difficult childhood and now lives with a condition that causes ongoing physical pain. The second, whom we'll call Robert, is a retired teacher who's been enjoying his freedom from full-time work but has been feeling disconnected from others and unsure about what to do next in life.

What makes working with a real therapist so powerful?

The relationship between you and your therapist is actually the biggest factor in whether therapy works. It's built on trust, safety, and working together, and it matters more than what type of therapy you do or even how qualified your therapist is.

There's something incredibly powerful and healing about having another person really see and understand what you're going through. Suddenly, you're not alone with your struggles anymore. You can talk about your deepest fears, practice opening up, and learn to trust again. 

Therapists have also spent years learning how to spot patterns in how people think, understand what's really happening beneath the surface, and help guide you toward changes that will actually stick.

James said this about our work together: "I experienced a feeling of great and powerful trust, understanding, patience, and presence during sessions. A good relationship is built over time, allowing me to reach my own conclusions with carefully crafted guidance, while always being attentive to my individual needs. It lets me express myself fully and then helps me understand why I'm following certain patterns of behaviour."

Robert highlighted the importance of building trust, feeling safe, and working with unconscious patterns: "As well as providing validation, I've welcomed the gentle challenge that a good therapist can provide. Part of their skill is asking questions that aren't leading but encourage me to consider different perspectives and think in new ways. They're neither critical nor overly agreeable – the therapist makes me feel safe enough to 'go deep,' and I'm not afraid to voice whatever thoughts and emotions come up. The conversations I have with my therapist are honest in a way that I think comes from the humanity of face-to-face interaction and the bond of trust built over time."

How AI chatbots can sometimes help

AI chatbots are available 24/7 and are relatively cheap or even free, which means you can get basic support between therapy sessions. They don't judge you, which can feel safer when you're just starting to open up. They can also help organise your thoughts and provide information.

The Therapy Today article also mentioned research showing that AI chatbots might be able to build some kind of working relationship with users and help reduce certain symptoms like depression. Plus, the newer AI can give more personalised responses because it can respond to specific instructions and learn from what you tell it. However, you need to know how to give them good prompts to get the best results.

James confirmed how valuable 24/7 access and knowing what to ask can be: "Due to the time restriction of a session, I'm able to use the valuable information I gained during our meeting to continue understanding and ask the right questions to the AI assistant... without a therapist, I wouldn't know how to prompt an AI to ask the right type of questions. This allows me to interact with AI at my leisure, no matter how long or short the conversation, day or night. The feeling of always being 'available' makes me feel less alone and puts my mind at ease with quick answers."

Robert found AI helpful for preparing for our sessions: "Increasingly, I find AI useful as a way of preparing for my next session. For example, knowing that my next session will explore the Jungian 'Lover' archetype, I'll use the chatbot to find out more about it and begin to consider how it applies to my life. I could just read a relevant chapter in a book, but I find that through its questioning, AI encourages interaction and a deeper level of understanding. Plus, if it uses therapy jargon, I can ask it to explain what it means in plain English.”

The problems and risks of working with AI chatbots

AI chatbots are good at sounding helpful, but they have some serious limitations that my clients have helped me understand more clearly. The biggest issue is that AI chatbots can't actually understand what you're going through – they're just really good at spotting patterns in conversations and responding in ways that sound right. But the problem is that they often just tell you what you want to hear.

Robert noticed this: "AI chatbots have learned to be people-pleasers – they're always agreeing with you and never critical. You always have to keep this in mind... I never tell the AI chatbot about what happens in my real therapy sessions because I don't want to ruin their impact by trying to sum them up in words and then getting the usual 'yes, you're right' response from the AI."

AI chatbots don't know your life story, your family history, or all the subtle ways your past experiences shape how you see things today. Even more importantly, they can't give you the kind of real relationship experience that actually helps you heal from previous painful relationships. If feeling lonely is your main problem, adding more technology to your life definitely isn't the answer – you need genuine human connection.

Real therapy deals with subtle hints, intense emotions, and complicated situations that AI chatbots just aren't built to handle. This can lead to bad advice or, worse, the chatbot agreeing with harmful thoughts you might be having.

James gave an example of this: "The AI only heard my side of the story, which was obviously biased. Based on that one-sided input, it told me to stop talking to several close friends. The AI saw the problem and went for the easiest solution, but it wasn't fully informed and didn't understand the subtleties of the situation. It also couldn't remember our previous conversations, which would have given it better context. Following its advice could have made me even more isolated."

AI chatbots also can't recognise when you're in real danger or need immediate help. They can't tell when someone might be thinking about hurting themselves or spot signs of serious mental health issues that need professional attention right away.

There are also big concerns about privacy and data security. AI systems can be hacked, and all that personal, sensitive information you've shared could be misused.

Robert said: "Getting useful feedback from AI only works if you're completely honest about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours... At the same time, you have to remember that there's no guarantee everything you tell an AI chatbot will stay private."

James agreed: "Security is crucial. Do your research first. Use an AI designed specifically for mental health needs while making sure your privacy is protected."

What I'd recommend

If you're going through a difficult time, I really encourage you to think about talking to a professional therapist. The human connection, professional expertise, and potential for real lasting change that therapy offers simply can't be matched by AI chatbots.

If you're already working with a therapist and find that an AI chatbot gives you some extra support between sessions, that's definitely something to discuss with your therapist. The key is making sure it stays as a small add-on, not a replacement for the real work of therapy.

If cost or finding someone is an issue, many therapists will adjust their fees for some clients based on what you can afford, and most communities have NHS services and charities that provide free or low-cost services. Investing in professional therapy is one of the best things you can do for your mental health and overall happiness.

You deserve more than artificial support – you deserve the real thing. AI might offer some practical help along the way, but it can't provide the understanding, insight, and life-changing relationship that therapy with a real person offers.