Top 10 barriers that might stop men seeking therapy

Below, we examine the barriers that exist to starting therapy for some men and, in the process, hopefully allay some fears and misconceptions.

Breaking the stigma: Why it can be so hard for men to ask for help 

The good news is that it has become increasingly common for men to embark on therapy in recent years, meaning the stigma attached to going to therapy is perhaps weakening. It's also true, however, that for some men, the thought of embarking on their first therapeutic journey still throws up significant barriers, meaning they are less likely to do so. 

Unfortunately, that can lead to problems further down the line, which could have serious ramifications for those men and the important people in their lives. It's possible that by trying to understand what these obstacles are, it might lead to a slight demystification of the therapy process, which might help some men rethink their positions.

The common barriers faced by men

Feeling the need to be strong

For thousands of years, men have been socially conditioned to think of themselves as being seen as "macho", so it can be very hard for many men to suddenly switch to being vulnerable. Many of us might think we’re the strong, silent, actor Gary Cooper types, which Tony Soprano famously lamented he should've been in The Sopranos – but don't forget that Tony was in therapy for years. Sometimes, it takes enormous strength not to be silent, and the benefits can be huge.

Not having time

If it's not work, it's socialising, maybe playing five-a-side, going to the gym, eating out, or maybe binge-watching TV. Whatever it is, it might not be therapy because there's not enough space in the week to fit it in. Many people struggle to make time for therapy, especially when busy schedules or other commitments take priority, with some men finding it much harder to manage their diary.

Thinking therapy isn't for them

Some men might not go to therapy because they view it as something for other people. It might just not be something they would do, and that's it. It's often said that the hardest part of therapy is making the decision to start, and for many men, understandably, pre-conceived ideas about who therapy is, and isn't, might dominate thinking.

Believing they don't need help

For many men, the idea of accepting help can be very difficult. They may have been raised with a stiff upper lip mentality, where they don't complain and just keep going, which can be admirable in its own way, but also potentially dangerous, given that danger signs may be missed. Accepting the idea of getting help is a huge barrier to overcome for many of us.

Feeling sceptical about therapy

"Freudian nonsense", "psychobabble", call it what you like, some men may feel unsure about what therapy involves. Perhaps due to some unhelpful popular culture portrayals of therapy, some men might not consider the possibility of counselling.

Cold fear

Few men might ever admit to this one out loud, but embarking on a therapeutic journey is a prospect that can fill us with fear of finding out things about ourselves that perhaps we were happier not knowing. Often, however, the process of therapy helps us realise that perhaps we already knew some of these 'scary' things but just didn't have the space to articulate them.

Not wanting to peel back the layers

Similar to fear, there might be a conception that once you start peeling away at that onion and pull back a few layers, you may expose yourself to some uncomfortable stuff. While therapy is not a straightforward process and comes with many ups and downs, its long-term benefits may well make shedding a few layers worthwhile.

Concerns about cost

For some men, therapy can feel like an extra expense, especially when life’s other commitments and priorities take up time and resources. Committing to protecting their mental health might be perceived as unnecessary expenditure. Of course, there are situations where therapy can be unaffordable, but for many men, it can also be helpful to view therapy as an investment in putting their mental well-being first.

Misconceptions about therapists

Possibly down to the portrayal of therapists on TV and film, there is often a misconception that therapists are just "odd". And in the sense that all of us humans are a little "weird" in our own little ways, it's probably fair to say that therapists are too. However, most of us therapists will be exactly like you, with partners, families and pets, with quirks just like everyone else.

Believing they’re fine

It’s common for some men to be unaware that they are struggling with their mental health due to some of the previously mentioned strong coping mechanisms built up over the years. Even when some of these methods of coping stop working, it can still be hard to work out what the problem might be. Given a lifetime spent "getting on with it" and not complaining, when they're asked if they're ok, some men might always respond that they're fine – and genuinely believe it. Strong support networks can assist us to realise we may need help even when we don't recognise it ourselves.

If you recognise yourself in any of this, you're certainly not alone. We've all been prone to running into one or two of these barriers in our lives. If you feel that you, or someone close to you, might benefit from therapy, reach out for support.