Spending Christmas alone: Self-care when celebrating feels hard

There is no way around it – Christmas that is. The music, the decorations, the perfume adverts on TV, and the question that dominates conversations in December: "What are you doing for Christmas?" 

The expected answer will be something along the lines of "meeting up with relatives or friends" Traditionally, Christmas is thought of as a social event typically all about visiting, hosting and celebrating together. Such is the public face of Christmas, and those who voice different ideas might be told ‘bah humbug’ or called a grinch.

Why Christmas can be emotionally challenging

In private, many people feel very differently about Christmas. Those who have suffered a recent bereavement or a loss around a previous Christmas, for example, are likely to deal with sad memories. Not everyone has, or ever had, a loving family. A breakup may mean a parent does not see their own children. Anxious people may dread any travelling or mixing with others, while those experiencing depression might find it harder to feel positive. Instead of happy anticipation, many of us are faced with a painful void.

This applies especially to those who spend Christmas by themselves. It can hurt to have no one to share Christmas with. We may feel like a failure for not having plans with others or not looking forward to the event. Of course, this might be down to circumstances over which we had no control, like a death, a move abroad, or a falling-out, for example.

Christmas can also be very stressful when those coming together do not get along. Turning down an invitation may well be preferable when the alternative is endless rows or a frosty atmosphere. Whatever the reason, spending Christmas alone is not rare. In 2024, King’s College London conducted a survey among members of the public and found that 11% were expecting to spend Christmas Day by themselves. 

This means one in nine people will not join in any shared celebrations. If this describes your situation, you may want to push any thoughts of Christmas away. A typical remark would be that "it's only one day" or "a day like any other", or perhaps you are determined to just sit tight until the whole thing is over. However, there is another option when no one is preparing a typical Christmas for you.

Reframing Christmas as a time for yourself

You can treat the day as a special occasion for yourself and plan it with love. What would the ideal Christmas Day organised with just you in mind look like? Consider what feels good to you and appropriate for this moment, then give this to yourself with as much care and kindness as you can.

Here are some ideas of what you could prepare in the run-up to your bespoke Christmas and what to do on the day. Please bear in mind to tailor it as much as possible to your preferences – these are simply suggestions to inspire you.

Choose a bath bomb for a scented soak

At one point during the day, you could run yourself a bath and upgrade it with a specially chosen smell. The hot water will relax your body, and the scent will add another layer of experience.

Read a Christmas-themed book or story

There are lots of sweet and romantic Christmas stories, as well as numerous murder mysteries, depending on your taste. That way, you can participate in the spirit of Christmas yet bypass its problematic side, if this feels right for you.

Pick some of your favourite foods

Get anything you like to eat that is only available now, be that turkey sandwiches, brandy butter or stollen. These seasonal flavours may feel especially comforting at this time of year.

If you enjoy cooking and this is an option for you, buy the best ingredients and go wild in the kitchen. Otherwise, try to keep actual work to a minimum on the day. Prepare any cooked food in advance or decide on a ready meal. Set out crockery and cutlery in advance. By minimising housework, you can focus more on enjoying the food on the day.

Find music to accompany your day

There is no need to have Christmas songs, but it should be something you find pleasant to hear. Listening to enjoyable music means another feast for your senses. Slow music can also be an aid to relaxation.

Pick an outfit which you like wearing

Choose an outfit that you enjoy, whether that's because you feel good in it or because it is comfy. When we wear something which suits us and emphasises our best looks, we feel good about ourselves. In contrast, being clothed in wide and stretchy materials is like a warm hug. Both bring your body to your awareness in a positive way.

Tidy the room where you’ll spend most of your time

Have a think about where you will spend most of your time, and tidy up the room. Empty any bins, plump up cushions, and bring out a place mat or tablecloth. Spruce up your environment so that it reflects the special occasion and helps you feel festive and calm.

Buy flowers or a plant

It absolutely doesn’t have to be a Christmas tree; a poinsettia or fragrant hyacinths are pretty, too. There is something about bringing a bit of nature inside when the days are short and cold. Plants remind us of the other seasons, spring in particular, which can foster a sense of hope.

Place some nice candles

Whether it's beeswax for the smell or artificial for convenience, place some candles if you like. While lamps are obviously useful and necessary, candles are a little extra. Their flames dance and give a little light, creating a sense of presence that can feel comforting and soothing. 

Choose gentle games to enjoy on the day

If you like games, try to find a crossword or quiz book to do with Christmas or even a jigsaw with a wintry scene. This can bring home the time of year so you can experience it consciously, but in a playful manner.

Check the TV and radio schedules

Mark what interests you, Christmassy or not. If you are geared up for it, stream something that looks promising. There are many excellent films and shows which are worth discovering or rewatching on this special day when you have time to do so.

Finding your comfort and joy

Add anything else you want to your day. It could be going for a walk, making phone calls, attending a service, or going through photographs. Nevertheless, ensure that you have your selected items and activities to hand. You deserve to experience what your earlier forethought, kindness and effort set up for you. 

If all of this sounds like a lot of faff "for just myself" or "just for one day", remind yourself that each person and hour can make a difference. Take yourself and your time seriously. If Christmas is but one day, having a special day for yourself just once a year is also fair. If nothing else, the day may pass with more ease. At best, you may enjoy your own generosity and a bit of luxury.

As much as you can, make the day a special gift to yourself from yourself. No pressure to have fun, but be open to kindness and care. 

What to do if Christmas goes differently than expected

Despite your best intentions and plans, Christmas may still not go as expected. Perhaps an unhappy communication throws you, or you wait for a phone call that does not come. A practical problem or a sad memory may become overwhelming. You may slip into an emotional state you find hard to bear. In that case, please reach out for help. If you do not want to contact someone from your private life, here are some suggestions.

Samaritans are open 24 hours night and day. You can always ring them on their free number 116123 and speak to someone in confidence. They also run an email service, or you can write them a letter. Callers are welcome to ring as often as they feel the need. Please be aware that you will probably speak to a different person each time.

If you are interested in getting regular support from the same person, you may want to consider counselling. In most cases, this means meeting up with a specially trained person for an hour each week. You will be helped to speak about the difficulties you are facing, and your counsellor will assist you in exploring your thoughts and feelings.