Parental burnout: What is it?

When we think about burnout, we often think about healthcare or hospitality workers, often working long, tiring shifts in busy environments. What if I told you that parents are also at risk of experiencing burnout in a similar way?

Parenting brings with it some of the most wonderful times of our lives, moments we have dreamt of for years, and will cherish forever. It also brings with it some difficult and challenging times.

These challenges can be practical, financial, emotional, or relational. Parents are navigating:

• working alongside organising childcare
• paying bills
• homework
• housework
• sleep deprivation
• managing boundaries with our children
• building relationships with our children

The list goes on and on and on. When the number of stressors outweighs the number of resources a parent has, is it any wonder we feel burnt out?

Signs of parental burnout

What we often see in burnt-out parents are experiences like:

• exhaustion/fatigue 
• overwhelm
• irritability
• feeling like a failure
• feeling self-critical 
• feeling detached from their children
• a loss of enjoyment
• feeling emotionally drained
• brain fog
• guilt and shame
• withdrawal from friends or family
• aches and pains
• eating changes

If you can relate to these experiences and feel like you have reached the point of burnout, it can really feel like there is no way out, no way back, no way to the life you want to live. Maybe you don't even recognise the person you have become.

Step by step, you can start to take some control, prioritise self-care and minimise stress. 

Steps to reducing parental burnout

Seek support where available

Parental burnout usually isn't just about our role as a parent. We often have multiple, competing demands on our attention and time. It is not uncommon for parents to be experiencing work-related stress, financial concerns, relationship challenges, or caring for other family members alongside parenting.

Often, we are managing with unrealistic demands that are not sustainable. Look to your village, who is around you, who you can lean on for support? Practical support might look like childcare, helping with some housework, or lightening the load of tasks that you need to do. Emotional support might be someone kind and compassionate who can listen to what you're going through. There is a power in being heard. 

Rest, rest, rest

Finding the time to rest with small children can be nearly impossible. The time to rest must be engineered, and perhaps now rest needs to be smaller pockets of relief throughout the day.

Rest can look like: fewer decisions to be made, fewer tasks to complete, more quiet time. Reduced demand can really help. Give yourself the allowance to have breakfast for dinner or a takeaway, allow more screen time than you typically do. It might not be perfect, but it's good enough. 

Be kind

When we're struggling, our inner critic can become real loud, real fast, pointing out everything we're doing wrong, everywhere we're falling short. While it feels like this can be helpful, like this critic will whip us into shape, actually, it demotivates us and depletes us further.

What we need in this moment is compassion. We need kindness to meet us where we are at and guide us to where we want to be. One simple way to reframe those negative, critical comments that we say to ourselves is to stop, hear them, and think 'what would I say to a friend who was experiencing this?' You may be surprised that often we would not say to a friend what we say to ourselves. Become your own friend. 

Seek professional help

Parental burnout is a real problem and deserves help from professionals as well as the actions you can take yourself. If you feel like parental burnout is affecting your life, speak to your GP or a health professional.

Reaching out for help can feel daunting, especially when you're used to putting others first and carrying on. Taking that first step is an act of care for both you and your family. You do not have to do this alone. You deserve the help you need.