Navigating life transitions: Why change feels so hard

Change is a natural part of life. We grow, evolve, and shift directions - sometimes by choice, and other times because we’re forced to. Life transitions can range from starting a new job, moving house, beginning or ending a relationship, having a baby, losing a loved one, or facing an identity shift. Even transitions that seem “positive” can feel emotionally overwhelming.

These periods of change can leave us feeling disoriented, vulnerable, and unsure of who we are. It’s not uncommon for people to feel low in mood, anxious, or even slightly numb during a time of transition. So why do changes - even the ones we want - feel so unsettling?

Why change can feel like a loss

All transitions involve an ending. Even when we’re moving towards something new, there is usually something being left behind - a familiar routine, a sense of identity, a relationship, a home, or a life stage. Whether it’s the loss of predictability, status, or emotional security, transitions often trigger a grief response.

Grief doesn’t just follow bereavement. It can show up in many forms during a life transition - sadness, nostalgia, anxiety, irritability, or even relief. These feelings can be confusing and contradictory, and that’s perfectly normal.

The emotional impact of transitions

Major life changes often shake up our internal world. They can bring unresolved issues to the surface and stir up old insecurities. For some people, a new chapter in life might trigger feelings of inadequacy, imposter syndrome, or fear of failure. For others, the change may evoke buried grief, childhood attachment wounds, or a deep sense of not knowing who they are anymore.

Transitions can feel destabilising because they affect our sense of control. We may not know what’s ahead or how we’ll cope - and this uncertainty can feel frightening.

Stress and the body’s response to change

The body doesn’t always distinguish between good stress and bad stress. Any disruption to our normal routine can activate the stress response - increased heart rate, tense muscles, disturbed sleep, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. When this stress is ongoing, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, and low mood.

That’s why even joyful events - like getting married, moving in with a partner, or having a child - can be emotionally taxing. The body and mind need time to adjust.

Coping with life transitions

Life transitions are not something we can avoid, but we can navigate them with greater awareness and self-compassion. Here are some ways to support yourself during a time of change:

1. Acknowledge the loss

Give yourself permission to grieve what you’re leaving behind. Suppressing your feelings can delay the process of adjustment. Try journaling, talking with someone you trust, or simply allowing yourself to sit with the emotions without judgement.

2. Expect emotional ups and downs

Transitions often involve a rollercoaster of emotions - excitement, fear, sadness, anger, and hope. You may feel a sense of forward movement one day, and stuck the next. This is a natural part of the adjustment process.

3. Connect with your values

During uncertain times, it can be helpful to reconnect with what matters most to you. What are your core values? What gives your life meaning? Anchoring yourself in your values can provide clarity and direction, even when the external situation is changing.

4. Maintain small routines

When everything feels unfamiliar, keeping even a small routine - like walking at the same time each day, preparing meals, or having a bedtime ritual - can create a sense of stability. The nervous system responds well to consistency.

5. Watch out for withdrawal or avoidance

Some people respond to transitions by withdrawing or shutting down emotionally. While it’s important to rest and reflect, total disconnection from others or from daily activities can increase feelings of isolation. Try to stay gently engaged with life - even if it’s just in small ways.

6. Reach out for support

You don’t have to navigate a transition alone. Whether it’s speaking to a friend, joining a support group, or starting therapy, talking things through can reduce overwhelm and help you make sense of your experience.

Transitions are messy. They often don’t follow a clear or linear path. You might have moments of clarity followed by confusion, or periods of motivation followed by exhaustion. But change also brings growth, insight, and new possibilities. With the right support, you can move through these uncertain times with greater resilience and self-understanding.