How to set boundaries at Christmastime as a neurodivergent person

How to set boundaries at Christmastime can be challenging for many of us. However, if you're neurodivergent, you may find this even more difficult to navigate. I like to call Christmastime the 'season of overstimulation' because there's always so much going on. Whether it's family dynamics, increased social activities, busy places or bright flashing lights, it can be very overwhelming for neurodivergent folx.

If this is you, you're not alone. Whilst Christmastime can be magical for some, this isn't the case for everyone. However, by setting boundaries, it is possible to find ways to make this time of year feel more peaceful, enjoyable and supportive of your needs.

Setting boundaries can feel difficult but they're so necessary and important for your well-being, especially if you're neurodivergent and trying to prevent overstimulation and burnout.

How to set boundaries at Christmas 

1. Before an event decide a time that you want to leave and use a 'signal' word

Christmastime can be very busy and full-on. Meeting up with friends and family, going to work Christmas parties... there's often a lot going on. This can make it very easy to become overstimulated quite quickly if you're not careful.

One helpful boundary is to decide a time that you want to leave and use a 'signal' word. This can be particularly helpful if you struggle with social events and/or get burnt out from having too many things on in a short period of time.

Before you attend any gathering, establish a time limit. For example, 'I would like to stay for two hours and then get the train home at 11 pm.' You can then let your host or people at the event know your plans in advance. This means that they're not surprised when you leave. It also holds you accountable to leave at the time you want to because you've already said this to someone.

Also, consider setting a 'signal' word with your friend, partner or family member that you can use when you're ready to leave or need help taking a break. This word can help others understand your needs without drawing attention.

2. Arrange gatherings which suit your sensory needs

Suggesting celebrating in ways that suit your sensory preferences allows you to still enjoy the Christmas spirit but in a way which feels inclusive and comfortable for you. This could involve hosting an evening of watching some Christmas movies or doing some Christmas baking with your friends. By offering sensory-specific options, you create an environment that's more comfortable without feeling like you're missing out on the festivities.

 3. Give yourself time before accepting an invitation

When making plans for the festive season, it can be helpful to use a “double-check” rule for every commitment. If you’re invited somewhere or asked to do something, allow yourself to wait 24 hours (or more) before deciding. This gives you time to reflect on whether you’re truly comfortable with the commitment or if you'd prefer to give this particular one a miss.

4. Plan a post-Christmas or weekly ‘recovery’ days in advance

Block out a full day (or more) each week or after Christmas for rest, sensory reset, and self-care. Let people know you’ll be “off-duty” to recuperate after Christmas. Having this recovery time scheduled can make it easier to navigate busier days knowing a break is coming.

5. Designate sensory-friendly zones in your home

This one is especially helpful if you live with others.

Set up a room or corner where Christmas decorations, scents, and noise are minimal (if you find this overstimulating). Let others know that this is your retreat space when things get overwhelming. It can be helpful to communicate that this area is a “no-interruption” space, ensuring you have a safe place to decompress when guests or family are around.

If you find that you get easily overstimulated and overwhelmed during this often chaotic and busy time of year, hopefully, some of these tips will help. Setting boundaries is a skill which can feel difficult at first (particularly if you're not used to doing it!) but it does get easier with time and practice.

It's important to set boundaries at any time of year but particularly during times which can be more triggering. Hopefully, the tips in this article will give you some ideas of how you can still engage with the Christmas festivities but at a pace and intensity that feels good to you. Your needs are valid and taking these steps can make a big difference in managing the sensory and social demands of Christmastime.