How to be there for yourself: 4 simple ways to self-validate

Feeling the need for constant approval from others is a common experience. At times, it may be difficult to acknowledge and embrace your own emotions without external validation.

We humans are social beings and, as such, we often find comfort in receiving validation from others, which can provide a feeling of belonging and boost self-assurance in our own identity. However, problems can arise when we excessively depend on external approval and feel inadequate in the absence of continuous affirmation from others.

Constantly outsourcing emotional regulation to external sources can create a sense of dependency that may lead to an internal disconnection within ourselves. When we rely too heavily on others to validate our thoughts or feelings, we risk neglecting our own ability to understand and manage our own emotions, we miss out on the opportunity to develop our emotional intelligence and resilience. This can weaken the relationship we have with ourselves, as we become less in tune with our own needs and feelings and our trust in them is eroded.

Whilst there will always be times when we require the assistance of others, becoming reliant on others to meet your needs 100% of the time can strain relationships unnecessarily. Healthy relationships involve mutual support and understanding, with each party contributing as needed, even if the level of support may fluctuate at times. However, a persistent imbalance may lead to resentment forming on both sides.

In essence, while seeking support from others is important, it is equally crucial to develop the skills to self-soothe, self-reflect, and self-validate.

Building a healthy relationship with our own emotions is fundamental to our overall well-being and the quality of our connections with others.

Here are four simple ways to get you started in the practice of self-validation:

1. Physical: Listen to your body

Our bodies are intricate systems which are constantly sending us signals and messages, often in subtle ways that require us to be tuned in and attentive. This connection is a two-way street - just as our bodies communicate their needs to us, we must also respond with care and compassion. If we ignore or suppress these signals and prioritise the opinions or needs of others, we may drift further away from a healthy relationship with ourselves.

Rest

Listening to your body's signals is crucial. When fatigue sets in, it's a clear indicator that your body needs rest. Instead of questioning the validity of your exhaustion, it's important to simply acknowledge it and take a moment to recuperate as soon as possible. By allowing yourself this break, you are honouring your body's needs and affirming them by responding.

Nourishment

Similarly, feeling hungry is a natural cue from your body that it requires nourishment. Rather than overthinking or analysing your hunger, the best course of action is to eat and refuel your body. By being attentive to your body's signals and responding promptly, you are reinforcing the belief that your needs are important and they deserve to be heard and acknowledged.

2. Emotional: Embrace your feelings

Many of us struggle to navigate our emotions and sometimes it can feel easier to dismiss or attempt to suppress them. However, it is crucial to recognise that each feeling we experience carries valuable information that can provide us with insights. Learning to tune into our emotions and decipher the messages they convey can help us make more informed decisions for ourselves.

Journaling

Keeping a journal can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and emotional processing. Record your feelings regularly by free writing. Free writing or brain dumping involves pouring out your thoughts and feelings by writing without filtering or judging yourself. It's important to resist the urge to second-guess or criticise yourself during this process, as it can hinder your ability to fully express your truth.

Emotions are fluid and ever-changing. What you feel in the moment may not be the same as what you feel later on, and that's perfectly OK. By using this method of journaling, you can cultivate acceptance of your current feelings as you write, recognise their impermanence, and learn to be with them and then let them go.

3. Mental: Challenge negative thoughts

If you experience frequent negative or anxious thoughts which feed self-doubt, or recurrent experiences of imposter syndrome that reinforce feelings of inadequacy and insignificance, it can be comforting to hear encouraging words from others. However, encountering these challenging experiences can also be an opportunity to show up differently for ourselves, treating ourselves with compassion like a supportive friend. This response can be empowering. We have the ability to look for evidence that challenges these negative thoughts providing us with a fresh perspective.

Take the time to reflect on your achievements, no matter how big or small they may seem. Make a list of your accomplishments and the goals that you have met, consider the times you have made yourself proud, these are times that nobody can take from you. These moments of success are yours to cherish, and they serve as a reminder of your capabilities and strengths.

When you feel discouraged or unsure of yourself, revisiting this list can provide the motivation and encouragement you need to keep moving forward. Capturing your achievements and celebrating your victories in this way supports the practice of embracing them and allowing them to inspire you. This validates the belief that you have within yourself what it takes to achieve more in the future.

4. Spiritual: Honour your intuition

Spirituality is commonly associated with religion, however, it can also encompass a sense of connection to something greater than yourself. Have you ever experienced a situation where you intuitively sensed something before it occurred, or felt attuned to energies or frequencies? In the practice of self-validation, it's important not to disregard these intuitive feelings.

Pay attention to the subtle cues that your body gives you. Notice how you feel in the presence of certain individuals or within specific environments. Act upon these intuitive nudges, for example, lighting a candle if you feel called to, or taking a walk or stretching if you feel the need for space and movement.

Responding to yourself with care when your senses communicate with you and remaining open and curious rather than dismissive can help this part of you feel heard. This practice can deepen the connection between your inner self and the world around you.

Just like nurturing any new friendship or partnership, developing a strong bond with ourselves involves a commitment to showing up consistently and investing time and effort. It can be useful to remember that significant changes can result from taking small steps on a daily basis. Engaging with oneself doesn't need to be some grand gesture, involve a large financial investment or become a tiresome chore at the end of a long day.

By cultivating the practice of self-validation in ways that are easy to incorporate into your current routine, you can start to lay the groundwork of self-acceptance, self-confidence and resilience, which are all essential ingredients for creating a stronger sense of self.