How therapy can empower neurodivergent folx and reduce anxiety

As a neurodivergent-affirming therapist, one of the most common themes that come up in my work with neurodivergent clients is relationship difficulties.

If you're neurodivergent, you may be familiar with the feelings of isolation that can come with feeling misunderstood or different. Maybe you feel helpless and wonder if you'll ever find people that you can connect with because you feel so anxious. Maybe you've spent so long conforming that you're not sure who the person is underneath the mask.

If this is you, you're not alone. I have worked with many clients who, after having therapy, have managed to make new connections, maintain them and feel more secure in their relationships. In this article, I will explore how therapy can empower neurodivergent folx and reduce anxiety, in particular social anxiety.

What's different about therapy to other relationships?

The relationship that you have with your counsellor is a very unique one. Although you are working together with your counsellor, the main focus is on you and how you relate to the world and others. This can sometimes feel a bit strange because it is unlike any other relationship or interaction you may have had in your life before.

On the other hand, it can also be really useful, especially if you struggle in social situations. This is because, as a counsellor, I can give you a completely different perspective on your situation. Not only am I trained to do so, but there is the additional benefit that I have never met your family, friends or anyone else you may wish to talk about.

This means that my input is less biased because I can only comment, reflect and explore what you bring to your counselling sessions. This can be a helpful way for you to figure out how you feel or think about your situation, without the distraction of other peoples' opinions (which is often the case in most social interactions).

The therapy relationship as a building block

Being in therapy can often feel like you're working together to solve a complicated puzzle. Your therapist will point out pieces that you may not have noticed and explore different moves that you can make. They will be with you through the frustrations when nothing seems to 'work' and the feelings of elation when you finally manage to fit it all together. Your therapist will support you in sorting out all of your puzzle pieces so that you can get a clearer idea of what move you would like to make next.

Moreover, as a counsellor, I can bring awareness to your 'blind spots'. In other words, I can highlight things about you that you may not be aware of. I have found that neurodivergent folx, in particular, find this helpful, because many struggle with knowing how to 'be' in social situations. What I mean by this is they can struggle to know how to act, what to say or what to do around others. They may also be unsure of how they come across to others and this can be a big stressor for many.

Therefore, receiving 'live' feedback on things that you are curious about, e.g. how you come across to others, can be a really helpful way for you to figure out how you interact and to find ways to feel more comfortable in social situations.

Finally, the therapy relationship itself, in many ways, can be a 'practice run' for other relationships. This is because it's a safe and non-judgemental space for you to build your confidence by engaging with your counsellor and finding ways to interact with them. Once you feel more comfortable with them, you'll often find that your other relationships and social interactions will feel easier or more manageable too. You might also notice that you begin to feel more confident in deciding who 'your' people are i.e. people who you feel able to unmask with and who accept you for who you are.

Increased confidence and self-advocacy skills

Many neurodivergent therapy clients that I work with often have low self-esteem and confidence. Oftentimes, this is due to constantly being told or made to feel like there's something 'wrong' with them for being different.

Years of mistreatment or feeling forced to mask can have a real knock-on effect in terms of how you feel about yourself. It makes sense then that you might not know who you really are or feel too scared to show it.

Therapy can help you to figure out who you are and understand the various things, people or situations that have shaped you along the way. Increasing your self-awareness in a safe environment can often make you realise that a lot of the things that you think are 'wrong' with you, are actually messages you've heard from others and internalised as a self-belief. They are opinions and not facts. Your therapist will help you to gradually unpeel and get rid of these many layers that you have likely built up throughout your life and support you to recognise, accept (and maybe even love!) your unique self.

When you begin to feel more confident in yourself, you will begin to see what you should and should not accept from others or situations. This may be comments, behaviours or even environmental factors. Your therapist can then support you to explore how you can advocate for yourself in a way that feels right for you. Maybe this is standing up for yourself or requesting adjustments at your work... Whatever it is you need to make your life feel more manageable and suited to your needs.

Also, talking about your thoughts, feelings and behaviours with your therapist often makes it feel easier to put into words how you're feeling or what you need from others. Clients will often tell me that after therapy, they find it much easier to organise their thoughts and feelings and verbalise these to others.

Final thoughts...

It can feel scary to seek therapy, particularly if you already struggle with social anxiety. One thing that can help is to explain this to your counsellor either over email or when you meet them so that you can find a way to work together that feels more comfortable for you. I would recommend finding a neurodivergent-affirming therapist (not sure what this is? Check out my article 'Neurodiversity-affirming therapy: What is it and how to find it?' to ensure that the therapist you are working with has experience working with neurodivergent folx and supporting any needs you may have.