Can you think your way out of a nervous breakdown?

We've all said it, claimed that our children/neighbours/boss is going to tailspin us into a nervous breakdown. We've used it against our nearest and dearest. Proclaiming loudly that they need to calm down before they have a nervous breakdown.

The truth is though, if you fall into a nervous breakdown, it is more likely to feel like a list of symptoms and a whole lot of self-criticisms. You'll likely berate yourself for not feeling ok, blame everyone in sight for every inconvenience and more than likely push through a lot longer than is healthy.

The phrase 'Give yourself a break' is never so important as it is in the early stages of a nervous breakdown.

That's what we'll address here; how to slow down the break and perhaps even stop it in its tracks, without the need for a whole host of behavioural changes designed to soothe the soul; you know - the ones we think ourselves out of because we don't have time or capacity. The ones we know won't work.

Whilst the nervous system is important (and it's incredibly important), those of us sleepwalking into a nervous breakdown aren't the people who naturally balance their chakras, so we aren't going to stop to assess our breathing.

We are the people who rely on thought over behaviour and we very rarely, if ever, honour our emotions. 

I am a thinker, and I was raised by a thinker, the most amazing man in my world. A man who was diagnosed with motor neurone disease before he died. A diagnosis that Dr Gabor Mate believes was a result of my father's inability to acknowledge and feel his emotions.

My father’s death could quite easily have contributed to my own nervous breakdown and may well have, had I not also recently discovered that I was pregnant. In those first few months after his death, as I was creating new life, and grieving my most significant loss, I became acutely aware that my actions would determine my pregnancy outcome. I had to feel. Boy, was that hard and painful.

Most of it I don't remember but I had finally acknowledged the importance of being with my emotions instead of how to control them. I had had a choice to make; challenge my long-held belief that if I felt I would never find control again or allow my suppression of emotions to damage my unborn daughter with cortisol and adrenaline.

Growing up, my nature as a thinker was born out of my desire to deny my emotions, to intellectualise my experiences and sensations and stave off the inevitable loneliness that comes with not believing anyone will be there when you cry out. I certainly felt emotions, but they were so quickly suppressed I barely acknowledged them.

Perhaps you're a thinker too? Perhaps you feel numb because you have a history of being let down and only having yourself to rely on?

The feels are there, though. Be in no doubt about that. You're just so adept at ignoring them that you don't understand that they are screaming at you until they become a physical symptom. Even then you'll ignore them longer than you should - because you're the strong one, the dependable one, the only one who can do the damn job right! You're relied upon, needed, superior maybe... You'll ignore those emotions until you're not well. You will ignore the physical, dissociate from the emotional and walk straight into a nervous breakdown.

I'm inviting you to view this article as your permission to pause.

Just for a moment. Pause. 

Pause and engage that thinking to understanding why your emotions are so off-limits. Invest your time. Engage a professional, have a chat with a friend, keep a journal.

Question, understand, maybe even intellectualise some more and when you've made some meaning out of your why, ask yourself, 'What does it actually mean to feel?'

Stay with the thought process and consider your current behaviours that contribute to being depressed, stressed out, overworked, highly strung, just so uurrrrgghhhhh... 

Consider a behavioural change that might enable you to feel, at least a little. Perhaps that means engaging more in a positive hobby? Connecting with someone who you've let slip from your life? Confronting a problem you've been avoiding or simply just asking someone else to load the dishwasher for a change and walking away to allow them to do it! 

If that doesn't work, or you can't quite make the change, keep thinking. Keep acknowledging that a change is coming because until you create the change, your body will keep trying to force a change.

It's worth remembering too, that you don't have to do this alone. You are worthy of support, help and a shoulder to cry on. This will be the hard part, I'm sure. That desire to solve the problem by yourself may feel hardwired, for those of you; may I recommend you read Personality Adaptations by Vann Joines and the late Ian Stewart. 

When the motivation for greater mental and emotional clarity outweighs the fear of the unknown you will make a change, and you will feel your emotions and you will begin to heal.

This article explores the concept of The Ware Sequence, a system of categorisation that looks at the sequence in which a person experiences thoughts, feelings and behaviour and how that which is third on the list is traditionally avoided by the client. The middle is the target door (where change can occur) and is where the focus should be once a client has allowed the therapist in via the first on the list, the open door.

Understanding your own sequence can be amazing self-help.

Sequences include:

• Thinking, behaviour, feeling/thinking, feeling, behaviour
• Behaviour, thinking, feeling/behaviour, feeling, thinking 
• Feeling, thinking, behaviour/feeling, behaviour, thinking