Building confidence and embracing self-worth

As we age and navigate life's changing climate, sometimes a thunderstorm and, at times, soothing rain can take a toll on us physically, mentally, and emotionally. We do not always recognise or sometimes even like what we see as we view ourselves in the mirror. This can lead us to question, 'Who am I?' or 'What am I?'

The transition from a young, carefree person to a responsible adult caring for ourselves and others can impact how we care for ourselves and feel about ourselves. We go through the life cycle daily, repeating the same pattern, feeling disconnected and deflated. This can sometimes lead to a negative self-image. We sometimes need more confidence in doing things that came quickly to us in the past. Simple things like socialising, playing a sport, or starting a new activity can seem daunting. We become so accustomed to putting others' needs before ours that it can even feel selfish to want to do something for ourselves, taking us further into that cycle of feeling negative, low, and less confident about ourselves.

It may even feel like we are the only ones feeling this way, but the reality is that many struggle with that battle every day while we try to keep up with the pace of life. Whilst we think others are coping with their lives so well, the truth is far from it. Feeling isolated in your struggle can be incredibly challenging and lonely. However, others are in the same boat as you, and support is available.

Reaching out for help can also be challenging, as sometimes our background or environment does not promote the idea of asking for support. We may even receive the message that resilience is a primary tool everyone should use. However, professionals such as psychotherapists can collaborate with you at your pace, focusing on your needs to help you reach your desired outcomes.

Mental health is no different from physical health; it can affect us anytime. Also, like most physical ailments, with the proper support, you can overcome it and reach the state of mind that feels right for you. A trained therapist can aid you in building your confidence and self-esteem using strategies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to challenge your negative thoughts and allow you to see yourself positively. Sometimes, we perceive ourselves based on how others perceive us and the labels we were given growing up. This can sometimes leave scars on our souls.

Therapy can be beneficial by rephrasing these internalised beliefs and substituting them with empowering narratives. Through the therapeutic process, people can identify their strengths and learn to value themselves regardless of outside validation. For instance, CBT trains clients to recognise and question the veracity of negative self-talk. CBT challenges negative thoughts and promotes positive and realistic thoughts and healthy viewpoints of oneself.

Additionally, therapy offers a setting for facilitated introspection, allowing patients to examine the causes of their low self-esteem. Therapy can help us understand and process the numerous factors that have contributed to our lack of confidence, such as childhood trauma and negative relationship experiences, which have impacted our self-confidence. 

In addition to cognitive strategies, therapists may use mindfulness and relaxation exercises. Mindfulness practices can help individuals stay present and avoid being overwhelmed by past regrets or future worries. Mindfulness can assist you in connecting with your emotions and feelings rather than suppressing them. This emotional connection to oneself can help individuals accept and process their feelings and themselves. Clients learn to appreciate their experiences without judgment by focusing on the current moment. These strategies can help reduce anxiety and low mood, which aids in low self-esteem. 

Therapy can also help individuals set small, achievable goals. Achieving small milestones can add to a positive self-image and confidence, leading us to work towards bigger goals. Completing small tasks can aid in a sense of accomplishment for individuals. Success is unique to everyone, depending on their starting point and goalpost. Therapists often guide clients in celebrating these wins, shifting their focus from failures to accomplishments and growth.

We sometimes need more confidence in doing things that once came quickly. For some, this loss of confidence is linked to life transitions, such as career changes, becoming a parent, or experiencing loss. We often feel lost as to who we are when we become parents and can feel very isolated in these thoughts. We sometimes feel judged by other parents and/or society and often hide our feelings and struggles. A therapist can be there to hear your viewpoints, emotions, and individual experiences as a parent in a non-judgemental way and support you in processing these feelings in a confidential space. 

When we take on the role of looking after others, it sometimes feels indulgent to address our own needs. This can be an obstacle to seeking therapy. However, we must remember that we can only continue to look after others well if we also look after ourselves. Being physically and mentally well is a basic need of everyone, regardless of their role in general. 

One common barrier to seeking therapy is the perception that focusing on oneself may be self-indulgent. Many people feel guilty about prioritising their needs, particularly those who have taken on caregiving or leadership responsibilities. Therapy, however, reinforces the idea that self-care is not selfish but necessary. It assures that taking time to nurture one's mental health enables one to be more present and effective in other areas of life.

Having a non-judgemental space is crucial to ensuring success in this process. A therapist provides that safe and non-judgmental space and contains the feelings of the individual clients to aid this process. Discussing fears, past traumas, or failures without judgment allows individuals to confront what has held them back. This acknowledgement and validation from your therapist can boost a sense of true self, lead to a breakthrough into self-acceptance and help build resilience.

Therapy sessions may include exercises that bolster self-confidence, such as practising assertiveness and setting healthy boundaries. This can be immensely helpful for those who struggle to assert themselves and advocate for themselves, sometimes due to the fear of confrontation or conflict. By role-playing and rehearsing these scenarios, clients learn to assert themselves in a safe environment and apply these communication skills in their wider world. 

A safe space such as therapy with a supportive therapist can allow you to explore deep wounds and heal from them. Acknowledging struggles is the first step toward recovery; therapy can provide the roadmap. Therapy can include strategies to develop positive affirmations and integrate them into daily routines. These affirmations can challenge the negative internal voice and cultivate self-worth when practised consistently.

Engaging with a therapist can also teach individuals the importance of self-validation. Therapy can help break the pattern of seeking external validation and enables individuals to dip into their own resources of confidence and positive self-perception to validate themselves. 

Therapy emphasises that self-worth is not contingent on perfection or achievements but is an inherent part of being human. Individuals can view themselves with kindness and acceptance by exploring and rewriting their narrative. Over time, therapy can significantly improve how people see themselves and interact with the world around them.

We all experience these struggles at some point, even if we do not show it. There is no need to suffer through them alone; help is available. Engaging with a supportive therapist can help rebuild lost confidence and self-esteem, guiding you toward a more empowered and fulfilling life.