Breaking free from emotional echoes from the past

Have you ever felt an overwhelming wave of emotion that seems out of proportion to the situation at hand? Maybe a comment from a colleague made your stomach tighten, or a dismissive glance from a friend sent your heart racing. Rationally, you might know there’s no real danger, yet your body reacts as if there is.

This is the power of emotional echoes — when feelings from a younger version of ourselves resurface and confuse our present reality. It’s like a smoke alarm going off despite no fire. Your brain, conditioned by past experiences, sounds the alarm at the slightest hint of danger, even if the threat is long gone.

Kelly’s story: The past repeating itself

When I met Kelly, who was 18, she presented with anxiety as she had always struggled with confidence. Throughout school, she explained that she endured years of bullying — whispers in the corridors, cruel jokes, and a constant fear of being singled out. By the time Kelly had left school, she was relieved. She told herself it was over. But was it?

When Kelly started her first job, she was eager to prove herself. She worked hard, stayed late, and did everything to please her manager. But then, she noticed the small things — a sharp tone when she made a mistake, being ignored in meetings, the way her manager would roll her eyes. Suddenly, she felt like she was back at school. The fear, the self-doubt, the overwhelming need to make herself invisible — it all came flooding back.

Her body reacted just as it had years ago. Her heart pounded, her stomach churned, and she struggled to sleep. The stress triggered painful IBS flare-ups. She felt sick before work, trapped in an anxious cycle that made her question everything — was she overreacting? Was she being mistreated, or was she just too sensitive?

We soon realised that Kelly’s response wasn’t about her manager but her past. Her brain detected familiar danger signals and activated the defence mechanisms she had used as a child: avoidance, fear, and self-blame. But just because the emotions felt genuine didn’t mean they belonged to the present moment.

Why do we react this way?

Our brains are wired for survival. When we experience trauma or prolonged stress in childhood, our nervous system adapts to protect us. It learns to recognise threats quickly, sometimes too quickly. This is why a situation that vaguely resembles a past wound can trigger intense emotions — our brain is trying to keep us safe.

The problem? These reactions are often outdated. The scared child within us may still be responding, but we are no longer that child. We are adults with new skills, new strengths, and the ability to navigate challenges differently. The trick is learning to distinguish between past emotions and present reality.

How counselling helps break the cycle

For Kelly, counselling became the turning point. I helped her unpack the layers of her reaction, recognising that her feelings were valid but not necessarily a reflection of the present. Here’s how therapy can help anyone facing similar struggles:

1. Recognising emotional echoes

Therapy helps us identify when our emotional responses are driven by the past rather than the present. By pausing to ask, "Is this reaction about what’s happening now, or is it an old wound resurfacing?" we can begin to separate past pain from present challenges.

2. Reframing the narrative

Counselling helps to rewrite the script we’ve been living by. Kelly learned to remind herself: I am not in school anymore. I am not powerless. I can assert myself. By challenging her old beliefs, she started to rebuild her confidence.

3. Regulating the nervous system

Our body holds onto trauma, and stress can manifest physically — headaches, IBS, muscle tension, and panic attacks. Through breathing techniques, mindfulness, and relaxation exercises, Kelly learned to calm her nervous system, reducing the physical symptoms of anxiety.

4. Developing new coping strategies

Instead of defaulting to fear and avoidance, Kelly practised assertiveness. We role-played conversations and learned how to set boundaries with her manager. Over time, she found her voice — she spoke up in meetings, addressed issues directly, and built resilience.

Moving forward: The fire isn’t real

Our emotions are powerful, but they don’t always tell the truth. Sometimes, they’re echoes — remnants of past experiences playing on repeat. We can take back control by recognising when old wounds are hijacking our present.

If you find yourself reacting to situations in a way that feels too intense, pause and ask yourself:

• What does this remind me of?
• Am I reacting to what’s happening or something from my past?
• What would my adult self say to my younger self now?

Kelly’s journey wasn’t instant, but with counselling, she learned to break free from the chains of her past. She realised she wasn’t that powerless girl anymore. She had grown, she had strength, and she had choices. And so do you.

If emotional echoes affect your life, reaching out for support can be the first step towards reclaiming your present. Just because the fire alarm might be blaring doesn’t mean there’s a fire.