Beyond swiping: Finding connection and yourself

Let's be honest, online dating can be soul-crushing. You are tired of swiping, tired of the endless profiles, tired of the ghosting, and, frankly, tired of the whole numbers game. Even when you hear stories about friends finding their happily ever after online, it just feels… different for you.

The thought of spending another evening meticulously crafting a bio, only to be met with radio silence or yet another awkward first date, fills you with dread. You crave a genuine connection, a real relationship, but the online world feels more like a minefield than a matchmaker. Worse, you work all the time, barely even seeing your friends. Sound familiar? You are not alone. Many people are feeling the same way, disillusioned with the current dating landscape, and wondering, "Is there another way?"

The good news is, there absolutely is. While online dating can work for some, it is not the only path to finding love. So, step back from the apps and let's talk about something fundamental first: you.

It is tempting to think that a partner will magically appear and solve all your problems, filling a void you might feel. A relationship can certainly enhance your life, but it should not be the sole source of your joy or self-worth. As the existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre would argue, we are each responsible for creating our own meaning and happiness.

A healthy relationship starts with two whole individuals, not two halves searching for completion.

Get to know yourself, become comfortable in your own company, and learn to appreciate your strengths and quirks. Take your time to explore any limiting beliefs or patterns that might be holding you back. This self-discovery, combined with cultivating your passions, friendships, and well-being, will empower you to date with confidence and attract the right connections.

What about the elephant in the room: the "perfect" partner? We have all been raised on fairy tales and soaps, leading us to believe that there is a Cinderella or Prince Charming waiting just around the corner. But the reality is, we are all human with our flaws, baggage, and quirks. It is crucial to adjust your expectations and be realistic about what you are looking for in a partner. Instead of searching for perfection, focus on compatibility, shared values, and genuine connection. Are they kind? Are they respectful? Do they make you laugh? These qualities are far more important than flawless looks or a prestigious job title.

Where do you go from here? If you are constantly working and rarely see your friends, it might seem like your options are limited. But think creatively. Could you join a club or group related to your interests? Even if you are not actively looking for a relationship, it is a wonderful way to meet new people who share your passions. Perhaps there is a volunteer organisation you could get involved with, or a class you could take.

These activities provide opportunities to connect with others in a relaxed and natural setting. Do not underestimate the power of your existing network. Talk to your friends and family about your desire to meet someone. They might know someone who would be a great match for you. It is not about asking for a date; it is simply about letting them know you are open to meeting new people.

Finally, remember that finding a meaningful relationship takes time and effort. It is not going to happen by magic. Be patient with yourself, be open to new experiences, and do not give up. Know that your value is not determined by your relationship status nor do challenges with online dating reflect on your worth or attractiveness. So, ditch the apps, embrace your own splendidness, and trust that a suitable person will come along when the time is right. Until then, enjoy the journey of becoming more yourself.