ADHD and counselling: healing through connection

In recent years awareness of ADHD has increased dramatically as diagnosis both for children and adults has risen. Understandably, more and more information is available on the internet: you can find anything from articles to courses that are concerned with this particular diagnosis or subcategory of the neurodivergent population. But how do you know what to expect? What can really help and how? I hope to cover some answers to these questions.

First of all, neither therapists nor counsellors can diagnose ADHD so if you are seeking a definite answer whether you have it or not, you do need to go through the assessment process by NHS or a private psychiatrist who specialises in this area. It can be still very useful to talk about your concerns with your therapist, as they can help you to understand why you might want to know and how that would affect you.

Now that you know where to turn for diagnosis, let’s see another area: practical help. This could be anything from coping mechanisms to coaching to become more organised or train your attention and so on. These are all practical approaches: they teach you how to compensate for issues that are the symptoms of ADHD.

If this is what you are looking for, you can find courses and coaches to help you, there are numerous books, workbooks and workshops you can consider. In the world of therapy, you can find structured therapies such as CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) that have a well-established reputation for being able to help. As the name suggests: Cognitive behaviour therapy- can help you to notice your thoughts, modify your behaviour and support you to change your habits.

However, you may want to choose another route to heal and that is healing through connection. This approach that I follow as a therapist is concerned with the root cause of ADHD rather than its symptoms. As you probably know, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition: its symptoms are due to how the brain functions.  

The systems responsible for governing our attention, processing impulses, and managing emotions are formed in our early years and these neurological systems can be fully developed in optimal circumstances. The circumstances in this case are our family and our upbringing. We all need attentive, attuned, available caregivers to develop a neurological system that can focus our attention, has impulse control and can regulate emotions.

And this is the point where unstructured therapies have a lot to offer. Unstructured therapies are talking therapies, modalities such as psychodynamic, person-centred, humanistic, integrative etc. These are all relational: they put some focus on the relationship and they aim to create a secure, safe and predictable environment in therapy.

In essence, an optimal environment is created for personal development: non-judgemental, accepting and caring but in this relationship, you can also be challenged to encounter all sorts of difficult feelings such as anger, grief, sadness, jealousy and so on. This can give you a connection that you are craving, a connection you have missed out on as a child and you can learn a new path through experience.

This sort of learning is different from coping mechanisms and practical advice. Through your therapy, you learn about your own processes and how they affect others. The optimal environment, the safe base gives you space to be you rather than all you had to become just to stay afloat. When we feel secure, when we are not under constant pressure, then we can pay attention, and we can control our impulses. This has long-lasting effects not just while you are in therapy but also when you spread your wings to fly on your own.

Our brain works in mysterious ways but we already know that it can learn and develop even in adulthood: it learns from experience through our interactions with others. And this can mean healing from our early wounds through a connection to another human being.