12 tips to help overcome feelings of loneliness

Loneliness is a normal part of being human, sometimes necessary for reflecting on life and emotional healing, such as resolving grief. Many spiritual leaders have experienced profound loneliness as part of their emotional and spiritual growth.

When prolonged, loneliness can leave a person feeling extremely sad and that they have little to live for except a life without meaning or purpose. Loneliness usually occurs to people because of unfortunate circumstances such as the death of a loved one, loss of job or rejection in a relationship. We feel the contrast between how things are now and how they used to be. 

People can live with others or be married, and yet feel isolated. They may have nothing in common with the person they live with or care for an elderly partner who is sick or unable to speak or respond.  

You can be overwhelmed with loneliness on a busy street, in your workplace with colleagues or at a family function. You can feel contented and at peace on a quiet beach or mountain far from anything. Loneliness is therefore a state of mind rather than a measure of the number of people you interact with.

An individual may have more in common with some people than others and one can feel alienated or detached if there is a mismatch of attitudes, values or interests. Loneliness is the feeling of needing companionship and support. It appears when our perception of the world does not match our belief about how it should be. 

Another cause of loneliness is comparison with the happy social lives of others. When we see other people enjoy their involvement with friends, family and lovers we desire those same pleasures and tend to ignore the positive aspects of our lives which others may envy. 

Ways to deal with feelings of Loneliness

1. Develop a gratitude attitude
   Make a list of people and things you are grateful for. These can be everyday things like exercising, cooking, or making independent decisions. It is important to identify the strengths and resources such as friends, relatives, skills etc. Remembering these factors will help to counteract self-doubt and negativity about yourself.
   
   
2. Seek out ways to serve others
   Volunteering your time for those less fortunate will give you a sense of usefulness and help you realise that you are one of the more fortunate people in the world. Service organisations often attract people who have the potential to become friends in the future.
   
   
3. Stop longing for the past
   When you find yourself longing for the past, tell your mind to stop. Saying "stop" aloud will help bring your attention back to the present to focus on the actual need before you at this present moment.
   
   
4. Let go of what you can't have
   Write down everything you'd like back, and score off those that realistically you cannot have back. Tearing up, burning or throwing away the paper you have written on can have a powerful symbolic effect.
   
   
5. Go for a walk
   Spend some time alone mindfully while you walk. This involves keeping your mind on the present as much as possible by bringing your attention back to one of your senses so you are always looking, feeling and smelling the sensations around you. Being comfortable alone will begin to lessen your compulsive need for companionship.
   
   
6. Write down the things you enjoy
   Make a list of the things you enjoy doing or consider useful and write out a plan of when you are going to do them. It is much harder to feel lonely when you are actively engaged with tasks that you enjoy or consider meaningful.
   
   
7. Buy a plant
   Start by looking after a plant. If that helps, consider getting a pet you can realistically manage and look after.
   
   
8. List activities you are interested in
   Write a list of activities you used to enjoy or those you have thought about taking up. Decide on one small first step towards taking up one of those activities. Taking the first step will lead to something else. Join groups for the activities and let the socialising be a bonus.
   
   
9. Exercise
   Regular physical exercise activates endorphins in your brain and increases feelings of well-being. 
   
   
10. Dance to happy tunes and choose uplifting media
    Put on one of your favourite happy songs and dance! Avoid radio and television programmes which have depressing content and focus on those that are uplifting or humorous.
    
    
11. Connect with your higher power
    If you believe in any higher power see if you can have a conversation with your higher power today.
    
    
12. Contact a professional
    If making these changes seems too difficult, consider making an appointment with a counsellor. They can help you talk through your feelings and assist you in taking steps towards a happier future.