Mental health survival guide 101: The festive season

When we think of the holidays, often our first thought is of joy, good food, friends, family, and religious celebration. However, for others, it can be a challenging and painful time.

After eight years of working in mental health and with clients, I have become all too aware of how the festive season - and all holidays - can be a challenging time for our mental health. In this article, I discuss some of the challenges we or others may be facing in silence and some antidotes to navigating this time of year. 

Difficult relationships 

A message often advertised across motivational YouTube channels is to remove anyone from your life who is not “positive or on your team”. The problem with this advice is that this can often mean relatives who knowingly or unknowingly cause harm. Hurtful comments or dismissive behaviour can be particularly difficult during a time of festive celebrations and spending time with those family members. 

Tip

Have an exit plan in advance, even if it is for a short period. Plan with someone you can trust to go for a walk, spend time in another room helping with chores, or sit at the other end of the table if possible. Try to limit the personal information you feel can or will be used against you. If you feel a family member is trying to draw you into an argument, be aware of the game and avoid engaging. Limit alcohol consumption and as this can lower inhibitions and raise emotions.  

Mobile phones in the modern day can be a great source of connection to those positive influences who can be supportive and a remote sounding board if needed. Boundaries and assertive communication are also useful tools with plenty of information on how to do this on google. 

Not everyone loves Christmas 

Christmas means many things to many different people and can change from one year to the next. Some may be aware they are spending their last Christmas with a loved one or facing a first without a significant other. Those who suffered abuse or neglect as children may suppress difficult emotions and put on a brave face. People may appear short-tempered or withdrawn for good reasons we are unaware of. 

Tip

Having self-awareness that others may not experience Christmas as you do and changing your expectations of how others “should experience joy and get in the spirit” will go a long way to avoid harming others. Expressing your own positive emotions in place can be appreciated and fully expressed.

Social anxiety 

Work parties, family dinners, drinking and singing can be the stuff of dreams for many, or nightmares for others. For those suffering from social anxiety, so much socialising and interactions can be overwhelming. When we become socially anxious, we focus internally. This adds pressure to what we are already experiencing and often follows negative comments and beliefs about ourselves, adding further to the anxiety.  

Tip

Understand it is a natural human response to want to know how others perceive you in a social setting. Due to your increased social anxiety, you are likely overestimating how much others are judging and noticing you. In reality, people are too concerned with the conversations they are already engaged in or more concerned with how they are being viewed at that moment by others. It’s a normal and healthy response. Having awareness and challenging myself that my mind is running away with me can be very powerful.  

Try asking yourself who you would like to speak to, who you feel comfortable with and what conversations you would like to have. This will bring you into the present moment and you may find you have some great conversations. Perhaps start by asking about the worst gifts received, or about a fun memory.

Most importantly, try not to judge yourself after the conversation or how the other may have judged you and reward yourself for being social. This is easier said than done, but it is possible.