Why do you do what you do?
Are you feeling lost, stuck, confused, frustrated or taken for granted? Or that you’re a time waster and wondering whether there isn’t more to life than ‘this’?
Do you find it difficult to say ‘no’ and then end up resenting all the times that you said ‘yes’ when what you really wanted was to say ‘no’?
Do you kick yourself when the slightest thing goes wrong and find it difficult to take any credit or receive compliments when something goes well?
Do you simply struggle with receiving compliments at all?
If you’ve nodded to any of the above, then my question to you is, “Why do you do what you do?”
The reason I ask this is because a lack of clarity around our purpose can create a whole range of emotions that feed into that feeling of not being good enough for anything important. This is so because, very often, what we do somehow gets tied up with a sense of who we are.
Yet, trying to figure out our purpose can itself be anxiety-provoking: there’s the fear of getting it wrong, missing our calling, heading in the wrong direction and whatever other negative consequences our minds can imagine.
Part of why we might struggle with this lack of clarity is because we might not want to accept what we find. Our purpose is to be discovered and can change with our seasons. If we subscribe to the idea that we should be doing something considered very important by society (or whoever’s judgements we fear and/or approvals we crave), then we might not want to hear what our authentic inner voice is telling us if it feels out of line with or less important than the 'expectations.'
Another reason we might struggle is if we believe that we are not worthy of what we are discovering. The significance of our purpose might far outweigh our own sense of self-worth and can cause our low self-esteem issues to flare up.
Why is this clarity of purpose so important?
- It helps in decision making. When we are clear then it’s easier to say to no to certain activities, places, people, jobs, requests etc, and say yes to others.
- It helps you feel at home in your skin when it feels as though you are investing time and energy in doing what is important to you.
- It helps you keep grounded and persevering when the going gets tough.
- It helps you to feel that your life is meaningful and contributes to your sense of experiencing existential joy.
Just like confusion in one area seems to breed confusion in others, clarity in one area breeds clarity in other aspects of our lives. Dare to start your journey of discovery today, and if you need professional support along the way, do not hesitate to reach out.
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About Rita Edah
Rita Edah MBACP: Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Coach, specialises in skillfully working with people to get unstuck.
She has experience of working with individuals who suffer with anxiety, depression, guilt & shame; and those who have suffered displacement, domestic abuse, loss & trauma.
She works flexibly in person, online, by phone & by email.