Dr Bradley Starkey

I am a BACP accredited psychotherapeutic counsellor, a sex and porn addiction therapist* and an accredited 5Rhythms movement meditation teacher.

I work with clients of all ages who are tired of thinking and feeling that they are somehow not enough and with clients who are stuck in patterns of compulsive sexual behaviour.

I support my clients to grow in self-acceptance, self-compassion, sobriety, authenticity and vitality.

Are you harbouring beliefs of not being enough?

There are many versions of not enough:

• not good enough 
• not smart enough
• not clever enough
• not attractive enough
• not tough enough
• not man enough
• not big enough
• not small enough
• not pretty enough
• not straight enough
• not fit enough
• not likeable enough
• not successful enough
• not rich enough
• not important enough
• not spiritual enough...

[feel free to insert your own word here].

If you are ready to say goodbye to feeling flawed, inadequate and not enough then get in touch now for a no obligation chat. 

Imagine how great it would feel to go though life with a sense of inner confidence and ease.

Here are some of the advantages of banishing feelings of 'not enough':

• No longer constantly comparing yourself to others.
• No longer constantly trying to please others to make up for your sense of lack.
• No longer constantly berating yourself or relating to yourself in a harsh or critical manner. 
• No longer feeling sad, low or depressed because you feel that you are not rich enough, talented enough or successful enough. 
• No longer feeling like an imposter in your job, relationship or life. 
• No longer obsessed with dieting, going to the gym or how you look. 
• No longer obsessed with your grades or your performance at work, or how well you are doing compared to your peers, friends or colleagues.
• No longer fantasising about how much easier your life would be if you were somebody else. 
• No longer reliant on substances or behaviours as a way of distracting yourself from feeling that you are not enough.

Sure, you can still go to work, to the gym, be in a relationship, be successful, study, take care of how you look etc. but now with a sense of inner ease, authentic fulfilment and vitality.

How great would that feel? If you feel ready to take action then get in touch now if you'd like to find out more. 

The damaging psychological effect of feeling that you are not enough can be immense.
The feeling of not being enough lurks in the background of a whole range of presenting issues such as low self-esteem, low mood, depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence, lack of certainty, lack direction in life, lack of purpose, anxiety, career problems, body image problems, addictions and obsessions, feeling lost etc.

In other words whilst you might be feeling depressed, or be powerless over an addictive behaviour, or be struggling with your career or relationship, if you dig down a little deeper, some version of 'not enough' can almost always be found.

The damaging psychological effect of feeling not enough can be profound and it can negatively affect us in multiple ways, preventing us from reaching our potential and inhibiting our enjoyment of, and satisfaction with, life.

With my counselling support, clients are able to explore where such negative and limiting beliefs have come from and they work towards growing a more generous, life enhancing and affirmative view of themselves.

Sex and/or Porn Addiction

Sometimes people attempt to cover up thoughts and feelings of not being enough, and/or to distract themselves from difficult feelings such as boredom, loneliness, overwhelm or stress. One of the methods of doing this is through the use of sex and porn.

Maybe we all do this to some extent.

However, used over time as a means of self soothing and/or as a way of regulating emotion, sex and the watching of pornography can become compulsive whereby instead of it being something pleasurable and enjoyable, it becomes something that people can easily become enslaved by.

It used to be thought that all additive behaviours were a result of past trauma or attachment issues (difficulties in forming relationships) but increasingly evidence is suggesting that whilst past trauma and attachment issues can certainly contribute to the development of addiction, people are increasingly becoming addicted to porn purely because nowadays it is a much more accessible go-to.

Since 2007, with the introduction of the i-phone and broadband, there has been an explosion in the amount of pornography online and access to porn has never been easier. And whilst porn addiction can affect people of all ages, evidence suggests that it is increasingly becoming a problem for young people.

What used to be classed as hard-core porn, and even illegal porn, is now so readily accessible: just a click or two away, and this material is negatively impacting upon the way that young people are coming to view relationships, sexuality, emotions and their bodies.

If the use of sex and pornography has got to the point in your life where it has become compulsive – where, despite your best efforts you are unable to stop thinking about it or to stop acting out sexually, if it has started to have an impact on your partner, family, work, finances and/or health, then help is available.

It is possible to recover.

It is possible to take steps forwards that are in alignment with your authentic goals and values in life.

Many addiction therapists work from a disease model of addiction which focuses principally on abstinence and sobriety. I work with clients from a biopsychosocial model, meaning that we explore the wider background factors and focus more of the positive lifestyle that you are looking to build. 

Do get in touch if you'd like to find out more. 

Client Testimonials (NB this client has given me permission to use their words).

Here is what a client recently said about my counselling service:

I was initially a bit sceptical about counselling and didn’t really have any expectations that it would make a difference but I have been surprised and amazed by how much it has helped and by how much I have been able to make positive changes in my life. Before coming to counselling I didn’t really understand what ‘unconditionality’ was all about but it has made all the difference. I guess I feared being judged and criticised for my past actions but it’s not been like that at all. Thank you Bradley. Thank you for all of your support. S, Kent.

To read further client testimonials please paste this link into your browser:

https://thecounsellingshed.co.uk/client-testimonials/

Look, don't go on struggling on your own, reach out and get the support that you need. I look forward to hearing from you. 

LGBTQ+ Clients

I am experienced in working with straight, gay and bi clients - in other words, in terms of sexuality, I am inclusive. PS you might be interested in my BLOG: https://thecounsellingshed.co.uk/2023/02/09/are-you-gay-enough/

If you are feeling apprehensive, fearful or unsure?

If you are feeling unsure, apprehensive or fearful about the prospect of seeing a counsellor, then you have my full understanding. It is a big and courageous step.

To find our more about what happens in a first session with me, please posture the following BLOG link into your browser:

https://thecounsellingshed.co.uk/2022/10/05/what-happens-in-a-first-session-with-faversham-counselling-service-the-counselling-shed/

Rest assured that I will never ‘make you’ do anything or put demands upon you but I will support you, and sometimes challenge you, so that we can work out what it is that you are looking for. I will respect your decision to disclose as little or as much as your feel comfortable with and I will always put your welfare at the heart of my work. 

If you’re feeling that you are somehow not enough, and/or you are stuck in patterns of compulsive sexual behaviour, and you feel ready to take the next step, then contact me now to see how I can help.

Take care and I look forward to hearing from you. 

Bradley  

Please see my website for the types of issues that I have experience in supporting.

Affordable Fees will be discussed on application, depending upon what you are looking for.

If required, I have a limited number of discounted rate slots for students of counselling and full-time students (evidence will be required). 

Feel free to call me for a no obligation 10-15 minute chat: we can then work out a best way forward. 

Appointments are daytime or evening subject to availability. 

The Counselling Shed has free parking.