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You cannot become what you want by remaining what you are

Do you find yourself having the same, repeated thoughts about something that makes you unhappy? Has this become a situation or behaviour that feels familiar and inevitable?

You might be feeling frustrated that the same thing keeps happening, or you end up in the same place feeling the same as you have before. This might be because you are doing the same things hoping for a different result. Starting with one small change can lead to bigger changes.

You could change the way you feel about something which could lead to you choosing to do it differently. Maybe this starts with you looking at who you are choosing for – you or someone else?

For example, a change could be in eating healthier or making that extra bit of effort to create a meal more exciting or interesting or just different. This could lead to you feeling physically healthier, emotionally more confident and happier in your choice. This could show how other changes could benefit you on many levels.

You could choose to be more assertive about what you need, and recognise your right to be who you want to be, and not who others may want you to be. You can be the person you feel you want to be.

Your first step is working out who you want to be. Or who you see yourself as, and what you no longer want to be. Do you want to be more confident, more capable, happier, stronger? The options are endless. Once you have an idea of who you want to be, you have a direction to move in. You have an idea of where you want to be and can start planning the route.

The only person who can stop you achieving this is you! Do you resist making changes because you perceive reasons why you won’t achieve it? Do you assume something or someone will stop you? Do you allow this to stop you trying? Maybe it is time to look at the reasons why you can do it and how you can become the person you want to be.

Sometimes it takes an outside person to help you see where you might be creating your own blocks or to shine a light on your strengths. This could be a friend, family member or therapist. It can be easy to be blinded about what your options are, especially when you have done things a certain way for a long time. Having help to take a broader look at things can be a valuable experience. Another person may be able to help you see where you discount your own needs, strengths and abilities, and support you to being more of you. They can offer encouragement and motivation and show that you do not have to do it alone.

If you are not who or what you want to be, you don’t have to remain as that person. Don’t stay as you are or feeling as though you do not have choices. Be the person you want to be.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Written by Julie Terry-Jenner BA (Hons), NCS Snr Accred

I'm Julie and I work in private practice as a therapist after years of working within mental health. I use an integrative approach and use a variety of techniques. I work with many issues and enjoy a flexible approach to my work. I recognise the most important element of the work is building a safe, accepting relationship.… Read more

Written by Julie Terry-Jenner BA (Hons), NCS Snr Accred

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