Working with anger and aggression

When we feel an injustice has occurred, if we have been unheard and our needs unmet, we may feel angry. If we feel threatened or anxious, we can become angry. Anger can be useful as a defence and as a way of recognising when something affects us.

Anger can become problematic when it occurs frequently and disproportionately or turned in on ourselves and when it becomes destructive to our relationships. Whether or not this anger is directed at ourselves, others, or if we are unable to articulate it and express it appropriately, how we do or don't manage our anger can be problematic.

Anger can impact our mental health in various ways, affecting our self-esteem, increasing our stress levels, exacerbating existing mental health issues, affect your sense of self-esteem. Anger can also affect your physical health.

Feeling anger and aggression

How our anger affects us (and others)

Recognising the impact your anger is having on your self and others is a useful stepping stone towards change. It may be worthwhile thinking about, how you express your anger, what triggers your anger, any previous and current experiences which may relate to this.

Anger has a lot to do with the way we perceive certain situations, which probably relates in some way to our own past and present experiences and how we have experienced anger previously. Exploring these perceptions and our sense of our previous and present experiences can be necessary for change.

In managing our anger as well as exploring the triggers, reactions, responses and impact it is having. It may be helpful to consider ways of managing your anger and there are a number of techniques and approaches which can be utilised, such as:

  • time to think PAUSE and try counting to ten
  • calming techniques, such as breathing exercises
  • being creative
  • being aware of triggers and choosing how you react and respond
  • being aware of the consequences of being angry
  • exercise 

Identifying our triggers

When seeking or considering counselling for anger issues, one of the most important early steps can be to identify your triggers, and explore your own expectations and responses to these.

Consider: what may be done differently? What does being angry do for you? What are your needs? What are the consequences of being angry? Consider the impact on you and others. Look at the inner beliefs, attitudes, values and expectations you have, where might these thoughts have developed and come from, such as 'life's not fair" or "you never listen".

As well as providing a safe, non-judgemental and explorative space. You may also be able to express and experience new ways of being and may find creative avenues in exploring and expressing your anger. You may find that being taught various techniques could be beneficial in the space counselling offers. Creating changes in your view of self and others, leading to a better understanding and awareness.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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