Why do I feel anxious when things are going well?

Have you ever noticed when life feels like it’s finally coming together — things are going well, you’re feeling good, and then out of nowhere, anxiety or self-doubt creeps in? You start to question your happiness, your success, or even your own capabilities. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing what’s known as the upper limit problem.

The upper limit problem is the idea that we each have an internal thermostat set to a certain level of happiness or success. When life starts to exceed that set point, our brain sends warning signals, trying to bring us back to what feels familiar or “safe”— even if that means pulling us into worry, self-doubt, or stress.

For me, this shows up as worry.

I can be having a perfectly calm morning. I’ve done the school run, the house is quiet, and I’m ready to dive into work I really enjoy. But then, suddenly, a thought pops up: What if my daughter has trouble concentrating like I did? Maybe I should consider private school because of the smaller classes. But how am I going to afford that?

In that moment, my peaceful day could easily unravel into a storm of anxiety. But here’s the thing — I know how the upper limit problem works, and I’ve learned to recognise these thoughts for what they are: attempts to sabotage my calm and contentment. Instead of letting the worry take over, I park the thought and return to the present, grateful for the peace and the work I’m passionate about.

The different faces of the upper limit problem

The upper limit problem can show up in several ways. Here are four common ones:

Worry

Like me, you might experience it as worry. Everything is fine, but your brain picks something out of the blue to focus on. It could be money, your kids, your work — anything that stirs up a sense of discomfort or stress.

Self-doubt

Self-doubt is another way the upper limit problem sneaks in. Just when you’re feeling good, you might begin to think: Am I really capable of doing this? Do I deserve to be this happy? These doubts can make you second-guess your achievements and worth.

Procrastination

Sometimes, the upper limit problem shows up as procrastination. When things are going well, you might find yourself putting off tasks that would move your life forward. It’s your brain’s way of avoiding too much change, even if that change is positive.

Creating drama

If things are too calm, you might unconsciously create conflict, either in your relationships or internally. Drama can act as a way to bring you back to a more familiar, even if stressful, emotional state.

What you can do about it

The first step to overcoming the upper limit problem is awareness. Once you understand what’s happening, you can start to interrupt the pattern. When I noticed my own anxious thoughts about private school creeping in, I stopped, acknowledged the thought, and brought my focus back to the present.

Here’s how you can tackle it:

• Recognise the thought – When a worry or self-doubt arises, pause for a moment. Is this thought relevant, or is it just your brain trying to pull you back to your comfort zone?
• Park it – Instead of diving into the spiral of worry, consciously set the thought aside. You can revisit it later if it still feels important, but don’t let it steal your peace in the moment.
• Refocus on the present – Bring your attention back to the present. Whether it’s your work, your kids, or just enjoying a quiet moment, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel calm and happy.
• Practice gratitude – Gratitude is a powerful tool for resetting your mindset. When upper-limit thoughts start creeping in, take a moment to reflect on what’s going well in your life and what you’re thankful for.

Breaking through the upper limit

Hitting your upper limit is completely normal. We all experience it from time to time. But the more you practice recognising and managing these thoughts, the more you expand your capacity for joy, success, and peace.

Working with a professional

If you’ve noticed your own upper limits holding you back — whether it’s through worry, self-doubt, or procrastination — working with a therapist or coach could be the key to breaking through those barriers. 

Whether you’re seeking help with anxiety and self-esteem, or simply want to feel more connected to your life and loved ones, professionals are here to support you on that journey.