Why can't I just be me?

Do you ever have those moments of wondering to yourself, ‘why am I doing this?’ ‘It just doesn’t feel right’ or being at a social event with friends and realising that it’s not where you really want to be?

I believe that most of us at some point in our lives feel like we’ve lost our way somewhat, that even though life is carrying on as normal, something just feels ‘amiss’. It’s at these times that we can shrug the questions off or take a moment to see what they might be saying.

It can be hard to step back and dare to see what might be going on, it’s the unknown after all and it’s never a comfortable place to be. It is where the greatest change happens which is full of freedom, passion and possibilities but can feel full of fear too.

‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’

After attending a workshop about fear, this was the summary of the day. ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway.’ We have the most amazing imaginations that enable us to be creative in so many ways, but this also holds true for imagining scenarios and 100 different ‘what if’s’ when it comes to fear and the future. What a huge amount of time and energy we place into situations that may never happen, besides does playing the same scenarios out in our head over and over again really help us to prepare for the future? It certainly hasn't helped me, only somehow managed to steal any peace and happiness from the present moment.

So coming back to facing the questions and finding your true self:

  • Stay in the moment. Just for a moment be here, right here, just as you are. Take three long deep breaths and don’t think ahead. Just be here now. Don’t tell yourself off if your mind wanders, just focus on your breath and observe what’s going on for you.
  • How do you judge yourself? We are often our own harshest critic. Take a moment to think of the negative thoughts/judgements you place on yourself. (Where do these come from? Are they really you?) Now imagine placing those thoughts into a balloon and watch as it floats away. Feel the release of them.
  • Use your imagination to dream. Write down your top three aspirations and imagine how it feels to reach them. Draw/create a dream board and place it somewhere you can see it everyday.
  • Does your life now reflect your aspirations? If there’s a difference then it’s understandable that you might be feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. Write down three ways you can change your thoughts/behaviour to better live your aspirations (however big or small).

If you feel stuck or in need of some clarity, then counselling or coaching can help. There is always hope, don’t suffer in silence.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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