What is depression?

Let´s begin by defining what depression is. Depression is a mood disorder that can affect a person’s daily life and routine. Some might describe it as a feeling of sadness, loss or anger. Depression is a collection of stamps that we accumulate throughout our lives, and we don’t know how we collected so many symbols of sadness, decisions, experience and thoughts about how we didn’t make the right decisions.

During my experience working as a counsellor, I have seen depression in many forms, so, I will describe what depression is. Since birth, we don’t have choices, i.e. the name you are given at birth, choice of parents and where we live. We are (just) born, and the rest happens without having to make our own decisions. We allow others to dictate our lives for us.

From birth, our lives have been mapped out for us, but most of all, our parents have decided where and how we are going to live. Additionally, they choose what sports or activities they want for us. Suddenly as we grow up and as an adult, we start thinking for ourselves. We become the person that they wanted us to be, but we are not aware of this situation. I am sure if you are reading this article you might think they made their best decision for you. Agreed, but we can change things as we grow up into adulthood.

Validating ourselves

It is imperative to make our own choices and decisions and not to validate others but to validate ourselves. We can live with others, but we need to make our own decisions and most of all, choices. Living is to experience things, as well as failing, but looking after ourselves and jumping back up again and moving on, and living with our own decisions and mistakes.

Depression is an accumulation of negative experiences that we haven’t dealt with because of a fear of rocking the boat and not being able to validate your decisions, and having a voice to talk about what hurts the most.

If we have not done things that we have dreamt of and want to feel great about ourselves, we collect lots of negative stamps, our self-worth disappears. We start validating others, yes we are human beings, and we make lots of mistakes, but this is OK, this is why we are here to make tons of mistakes and move on, cry, laugh, be angry, be disappointed, be defeated. Welcome to the world!

Medication can help, but it doesn’t help solve the whole situation. If we can form some boundaries around us to keep our minds healthy, this would help us to move on with our lives in a safe and secure environment.

Be kind 

Don’t allow other people to validate you but for you to validate yourself. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else. You just have to believe in your own choices and decisions; otherwise, you will live with regrets and blame others.

If you can deal with things instead of procrastinating and worrying what others might say, you might never get into that stage and fall into and experience depression. Remember every time you make a mistake or make the wrong decision, cuddle yourself, hug yourself; you have feelings and emotions that are not going to be permanent all of your life. You are important, love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Written by Sole Jewell BACP Accredited Counsellor/Psychotherapist, CBT and Life Coach.

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