Understanding domestic abuse against men and the role of therapy

Domestic abuse is often perceived as a problem where women are the victims and men are the perpetrators. This viewpoint is valid given the significant global crisis of violence against women. However, this perspective overlooks an important and frequently neglected demographic: male victims of domestic abuse.

The societal stigma, gender expectations, and myths surrounding masculinity can create barriers for men to seek help and come forward about their experiences. It's important to acknowledge the reality that domestic abuse can happen to men and recognise the crucial role that therapy can play in supporting men's recovery and empowerment.

The reality of domestic abuse against men

Abuse is experienced by people of all ages, ethnic backgrounds, genders, gender identities and sexualities. It affects people of different abilities and happens across every class background. 

Domestic abuse against men encompasses various forms, including physical violence, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, financial control, and sexual coercion. Men can and do suffer significant harm from their partners, leading to comparable mental, emotional, physical, social, and financial impacts as experienced by female survivors.

The societal stigma surrounding male victims of domestic abuse often originates from traditional gender roles that expect men to embody strength, stoicism, and dominance. These stereotypes can make it particularly challenging for men to acknowledge their victimisation and seek help. Feelings of shame, disbelief, or fear of appearing weak can contribute to their silence.

Challenges to seeking help

Several obstacles prevent men from seeking help for domestic abuse:

Social stigma

Men may be hesitant to seek help due to fears of judgment or a lack of understanding from friends and family. The misconception that domestic abuse only happens to women, coupled with societal pressure for men to be self-reliant and strong, can serve as a significant deterrent.

Lack of awareness

Some may not recognise their experiences as abuse due to certain behaviours in relationships that are normalised by societal norms. Unfortunately, some men do not realise or acknowledge that they are victims until they have lost control of their lives and become isolated. Some may attribute the abuse to being in a dysfunctional relationship or they may wrongly believe they deserve it.

Insufficient resources

There are fewer resources, such as shelters and support groups, specifically tailored for male victims of domestic abuse. Men are often not welcomed in female-oriented spaces and may have nowhere else to turn. Research shows that only 4.8% of victims of domestic abuse who are being supported by local domestic services are men, according to SafeLives data. This highlights how few men are being supported by local domestic abuse services.

Legal challenges

Men may face bias within the legal system, and sometimes claims made by male victims are taken less seriously by police and the courts compared to those of female victims. Additionally, men may be hesitant to report abuse out of concern that the abuser will get in trouble, or due to doubts that the authorities will believe them or act.

The role of therapy in healing and recovery

Therapy is crucial in supporting male survivors of domestic abuse as they navigate their experiences, heal from trauma, and rebuild their lives. 

It unquestionably provides a safe and non-judgmental space for men to express their emotions and experiences. Therapists can play a pivotal role in validating men's experiences and empowering them to recognise the abuse they have endured. Therapy also undoubtedly enables men to process the emotional trauma associated with abuse. It’s essential to support male survivors of domestic abuse as they navigate their experiences, heal from trauma, and rebuild their lives. 

Therapists are adept at guiding men towards developing robust coping strategies, enabling them to effectively navigate stress, anxiety, and depression resulting from abuse. Furthermore, they play a vital role in bolstering self-esteem, as abuse often undermines an individual's sense of self-worth. Through therapy, men can reclaim their self-esteem and confidence, which is pivotal in reasserting control over their lives.

Therapists can assist men in cultivating healthy coping mechanisms to effectively handle stress, anxiety, and depression stemming from abuse. Additionally, they can aid in the restoration of self-esteem, as abuse frequently erodes an individual's sense of self-worth. Therapy plays a pivotal role in helping men regain their self-esteem and confidence, these are crucial steps towards reclaiming agency over their lives.

Therapy can also help to establish and maintain healthy relationships, assisting men to recognise patterns of abuse and avoid future victimisation.

The issue of domestic abuse against men is of great severity and requires heightened awareness, understanding, and resources – men need to know where support is available. Therapy can be instrumental in assisting male victims in their journey to healing from trauma, rebuilding self-esteem, and forging healthier paths forward. 

Yet we need to tackle the obstacles to seeking help and foster supportive environments, therapists must ensure that all victims of domestic abuse begin to receive the care and support they are entitled to.