Talking about loss

We don’t know a lot about death but what we do know is when someone dies, it can be so painful.

Keanu Reeves was once asked ‘what do you think happens when we die?’ and his answer was ‘I think that the people who love us will miss us’ to which he was then given a massive round of applause. Why? Because it is the only thing about death we know to be 100% true.

There’s an old expression that time heals all wounds. If we’re talking about minor scrapes or disagreements, then sure, this may be true. However, I'm not sure time does heal all wounds.

Some wounds seem easier to live with than others each day, emotions are funny like that. But the death of a loved one is much more difficult than anything. For some people though, they can’t just get over it, or can’t see life past it. Which is why it’s always good to seek the right shoulder to cry on and the right pair of ears to listen.

It’s hard to put into words how losing someone close to you can make you feel, but sometimes having the help to find those words is the best way forward.

It’s even harder to contemplate what life will be like without those closest to you one day, but again, having someone to talk to about this, who can explain why you are struggling with these emotions can make all the difference. It's why grieving periods are essential, as they allow you the time you need to come to terms with what’s happened. Talking to someone professionally trained to guide you through this time can be the difference between a short and long period of mourning.

Some people, be it consciously or subconsciously, choose to not grieve as they feel it’s easier than confronting the reality of the situation. This can then lead to serious mental and physical health issues developing over time.

By speaking to someone professional they will help you navigate through the five main stages of the grieve curve. These are:

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • acceptance

When someone goes through the grieving process, if they aren’t able to unpack what they are going through properly they can become stuck in one of these phases. Subconsciously not allowing themselves to come to terms with their loss. this can be so hard to recognise, but when you notice that everyday life is unable to move forward, this could be a sign that maybe you need to speak to someone who could help you look at what you are going through and work through this grief that you are dealing with. 

So, if you are one of the people that are considering running away from grief I urge you to think again and speak to a professional or your remaining loved ones. For what is grief really, but the proof of love. To ignore it and not embrace it, would make losing someone even harder to accept.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Bournemouth, Dorset, BH6 4EH

Written by Genevieve Smith (MNCS,) Working with Anxiety, low self esteem & Relationships.

Bournemouth, Dorset, BH6 4EH

My name is Gen, and I’m a psychotherapist/counsellor. I write a weekly blog post for my website.

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