Struggling with post-split communication?

A split is rarely easy and often not particularly amicable. When there are children involved, it is often at the forefront of parents' minds to make the transition from being together as a family unit to separating as easy as possible for children. Sometimes, this can be harder than we would like with personal issues, feelings, anger and resentment coming into play and often causing a breakdown in communication and negativity towards the other parent. 

So, what can be done to help parents through this new phase and ensure the children get the best out of their parents in this new and often daunting phase?

Relationship counselling for parent communication

Relationship counselling is not just for couples still together. It is widely used in separations to help parents communicate with each other and be able to express their feelings and thoughts on a mutually safe ground, with the advice and support of a professional. 

Relationship counselling can help in this instance in many ways, from exploring patterns of behaviour in both or one of the parents that may be contributing to problems, and then helping them identify ways to communicate more effectively. This can include learning how to connect through eye contact, positive body language, setting healthy boundaries and providing ways to work through the conflict if one parent is particularly struggling. 

Interrupting or disregarding the other parent is all too common following a split, as there may be hurt, insecurity or worries from either side about this new set-up and the future. Counsellors can help couples develop empathy and learn to listen without interrupting.

Counselling can also help you learn how to manage your conflicts in a positive way, such as identifying your own frustrations and learning how to separate them from what the other parent is saying. Thus enabling you to focus on the core matter (often the child/children) rather than the hurt or anger which could cloud your thinking.

Coping with your emotions following a relationship split

We have spoken a lot about the emotions you may be feeling following a split which often clouds judgements, decisions and thoughts for the future, which often could impact any children who are in the middle of this. Relationship counsellors can help couples process difficult emotions like anger, bitterness, betrayal, self-doubt, anxiety, and fear, and develop emotional resilience to cope with challenges. 

Conflict is a natural part of any separation, and effective communication becomes even more critical during this time. Relationship counsellors work with individuals to develop communication strategies, facilitating respectful and constructive dialogue to navigate the complexities of separation and ensure that where children are involved, parents have the tools available to talk calmly and positively around them and help to make informed and positive decisions together. 

Separation or divorce often can cause feelings such as loss and grief which again can cause issues or a breakdown in communication. Counsellors can provide a safe space for parents to work individually on their own feelings and help them to work towards closure, process emotions and guide them on a journey of healing and self-discovery while they work through the separation and figure out what they want in their life post-separation. It is a significant life decision, and counselling can also support in this way by helping to explore feelings, evaluate options post-separation and support individuals to make informed decisions that align with their new values and goals. 

Moving forward

It is important to remember that relationship counselling isn't just about finding a way through the present challenges, but it is also about learning how to build a positive future for all parties involved. Relationship counsellors work with parents individually, and if requested, jointly to manage conflict, develop effective communication, manage stress and anxiety concerning this life change, and also identify strengths to help set goals for a new future and create a roadmap for a fulfilling life post-separation. 

Counselling can be carried out remotely, which can often suit working parents more as they can fit counselling sessions around home, work and childcare and can feel more secure if they are in their home surroundings to be able to talk openly about their concerns and how to move forward. Alternatively, counselling can be carried out in a clinic setting, in different locations so you are able to talk face-to-face in a neutral setting.