Seeing our habits through a new lens

This morning, I reached for my glasses - as is my usual habit. Without much thought, I automatically took out my old glasses and put them on. They felt like comfortable, familiar friends. Yet, something didn’t feel quite right.

When I looked in the mirror, I realised they were not my new, clearer glasses but my older ones. It seemed so easy to slip back into my old habit of wearing my less effective pair when not really thinking about my actions. It wasn't until I put my new glasses back on that I realised how much the previous ones no longer worked for me.

At this point, you may be wondering how wearing the wrong pair of glasses could relate to counselling? Well, it got me thinking about how easy it is - albeit less helpful - to revert back to familiar (and sometimes comfortable) habits.

Habits are routine-based - we have repeatedly behaved that way. They may be automatic or deliberate, and either healthy or sometimes harmful.

Our habits may have helped us to make sense of our world. Perhaps they guided our behaviour when situations came up. It could be suggested that they provide the safety and comfort of the familiarity needed in the past, even when such familiarity was detrimental to us.

Even after habit change has occurred, we may find ourselves feeling some loyalty to old habits and easily revert back to these patterns, to guide us.

To illustrate, client X had long settled on some harmful choices in her life, including a ‘diet habit’ which was based on her belief that she was not worthy of good or healthy food choices. A balanced diet was for ‘balanced people’. Hence, she felt less deserving of ‘better food choices’.

Messages she had introjected in childhood related to feeling unvalued, and not good enough. So, past learnings were dictating current habits - associated with self-destructive ways of eating. 

Yet, the consequences of her dietary behaviours were being felt negatively elsewhere in life - adversely affecting X's health and well-being.

As she became increasingly conscious of what she was experiencing, X turned to therapy to help her address her habits - especially relating to food choices and also other aspects of her life. The habits she had adopted were clearly linked to the way she felt about herself and were playing out in her life.

Gentle exploration uncovered her wider thoughts and feelings. These were centred around personal feelings of shame, leading to negative thinking i.e. feeling undeserving and unworthy. Her long-held habits presented in the form of self-destructive behaviours towards herself.

Effective therapy allowed X to gently lower her defences so that she could deal with wider issues around her sense of self, including low esteem.

Working with her early years conditioning (mindful of being regularly told that she was not good enough), we were able to address beliefs and habits that had formed over time. Client X worked on developing healthier ways of taking care and being more compassionate with herself, rather than continuing to revert back to older habits. 

Becoming aware of our conditioned ways, and being able to work with unhelpful habits/patterns in a safe, non-judgmental therapeutic setting, allows us the opportunity to develop appropriately.

Similarly to wearing my glasses, I can look at my habits and choose them - physically or mentally, so that my focus can become clearer or indeed remain habitually blurred!

Therapy supports people in the process of exploring their long-held habits and belief patterns about themselves and perhaps others - allowing the safe and unconditional space to explore our thoughts, feelings and subsequent behaviours.