Relationships - When couples are all at sea
When two people meet and fall in love they co-create a vessel in which they form their relationship. This unique container exists for the duration of the relationship but when the couple becomes disconnected it can disintegrate quickly making it difficult to stay afloat.
Together in this container and without any clear instructions as to how to create a successful relationship we must learn how to navigate with our partners. Therefore, if we're unable to find co-operative means of communicating and working together a relationship can go off course or break apart in which case we can literally find ourselves - 'all at sea'.
In the initial stages when we're forging our relationship we set off in search of paradise and what may begin as plain sailing can soon veer into uncharted and stormy territory. Here, conflicts and disagreements threaten to destroy our feelings of safety and our sense of connection. So when the unpredictable yet inevitable storms arrive paradise can suddenly seem to have vanished from view. We now find ourselves wondering how we're ever going to get to where we want to be.
As human beings the breakdown of connection in our relationships is very painful and this loss is at the heart of anxiety and confusion within the dynamic of a couple. In moments of conflict, rather than realising our yearning for re-connection, we may lash out with blame and criticism and in doing so create even more disconnection. In this action we're actually pleading for connection and protesting its loss.
Counselling can provide a safe container in which couples can re-define and re-build their relationship and therefore enable a more conscious and mature partnership. As such therapy can provide a life-line back into reconnection and help us get to where we need to be.
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.
About Neil Turner
"How can you feel more free within yourself?" The style of my work is both Existential and Transpersonal. Part of our shared human experience is encountering feelings of fear, doubt and confusion. Being human also means that, despite our relationships, we tend to feel alone with these painful feelings. The aim of my work is to offer you a way to feel less isolated with your experiences and as a re… Read more
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