Redefining independence: The empowered journey of today's single

Whether you’re single by choice or just for now, I want to remind you that you are not broken, and nothing needs “fixing.” Yet, society doesn’t always reflect this truth. We live in a culture that often puts couples and families on a pedestal, subtly (or not-so-subtly) implying that if you're single, you've somehow missed out on life’s most important goal. But that narrative is not only outdated — it’s wrong.

Being single should be just as valid, fulfilling, and respected as being in a relationship. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. We live in a profoundly family-centric world, where finding love is often seen as the ultimate measure of happiness. But here’s the thing: your value doesn’t depend on whether you have a partner. 

Across cultures, the stigma of being single can be intense. There’s even a term for unmarried women in China: *sheng nu* or “leftover women.” In India, single men are policed for their relationship status, with authorities conducting surveys to understand why they haven’t “settled down.” And even here in the West, we hear well-meaning comments like, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet someone soon,” as if being single is just a phase to hurry through.

The way society treats single men versus single women is also telling. Single men are “bachelors”— charming, independent, even desirable. Meanwhile, single women get labelled “spinsters,” as if they’re desperate or somehow incomplete. The gendered lens through which we view singlehood reinforces the same inequality that women continue to face in other areas of life.

As a therapist, I often hear from singles who feel frustrated by the constant questioning, the blind dates arranged by friends and family, and the subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure to find “the one.” It's essential to recognise that while some people are very comfortable being single, others may feel deeply hurt by these comments. It’s not unlike asking a couple struggling with infertility, “So, when are you having kids?”— it’s well-meaning but painful.

Movies and media don’t help either. We’re bombarded with the idea that we need someone else to “complete” us as if we’re not whole. Take Jerry Maguire’s famous “You Complete Me” line or Bridget Jones singing “All By Myself” in her pyjamas —it conveys the message that being single equals being sad. But being single doesn’t mean you’re lonely. Loneliness is a feeling of disconnection, and I can tell you that it can happen just as quickly in relationships or marriages as in single life.

I’ve worked with many couples who feel lonely *in* their relationships. And that kind of loneliness can feel even more isolating. One tool I often suggest to couples struggling with disconnection is eye gazing — literally sitting and locking eyes with your partner for two minutes daily. This simple act can reignite curiosity and connection, helping couples feel more in sync. Another tip? Try going to bed and waking up together at the same time or just hugging each other hello and goodbye. These small acts of presence can help couples realign when feeling out of step.

But what if you’re single and you don’t want to be? For some, being single is a choice. For others, self-sabotage, fear of vulnerability, or a deep-seated belief that they’re not “good enough” can keep them from forming meaningful connections. This is where looking inward becomes critical. 

Understanding how your childhood and early experiences shaped your worldview can reveal much about how you approach relationships today. Are you avoidant, anxious, or secure when it comes to intimacy? Understanding your attachment style can help growth. It’s about learning who you are in and out of relationships and recognising patterns that may have held you back.

So whether you’re single for now or for life, remember: you are whole, just as you are. Let’s rewrite the narrative that says otherwise.

It's about yourself always, but it’s about recognising your value and treating yourself with the kindness, patience, and respect you deserve. Being single doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love; it can be a time when you learn to love yourself deeply and authentically.

When you’re not caught up in the needs and expectations of a relationship, you can take the time to understand what makes you happy, what drives you, and what your core values are. This period of self-discovery can be incredibly empowering, setting the foundation for healthier relationships in the future if and when you decide you want one. It’s not about waiting for someone to complete you; it’s about recognising you are already complete.

Being single allows you to focus on your personal growth, career goals, and passions and explore the world on your own terms. It’s about building the life you want without compromising your dreams for someone else’s. It’s a time to create memories, celebrate your independence, and embrace every opportunity that comes your way.

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself, whether single or in a relationship. So, take this time to cherish who you are, revel in your own company, and trust that love from others or yourself will come naturally when you live authentically.