Reasons behind relationship breakdowns

Relationships require work; they are not all sunshine and roses. There will be bumps in the road within every relationship and with these hurdles come moments for you both to grow as individuals and develop the relationship. Without this, the relationship would remain juvenile and never become something that could last.

Some issues can seem impossible to overcome, but couples counselling can create a safe environment where you are both encouraged to share sensitive information and reveal your inner feelings to help you find a positive resolution. It can also be a great way to gain some impartial guidance and gain a deeper understanding of each other.

Without the right knowledge or experienced help, it can be hard for some people to understand why their partner has suddenly changed or how they can articulate the emotions they are feeling.

Relationship issues can start for a variety of reasons, and I’ve listed a few of the most common causes.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can have a significant impact on your relationship. Whether it is you or your partner who suffers from this, it can lead to arguments and test the relationship in a way you never expected. People who have low self-esteem don’t think they deserve to be happy and will always be questioning why you are with them, as in their eyes you are too good for them. While you will want to reassure them that you love them for them, after a while, this can become tiresome, you can become frustrated with your partner’s lack of confidence, or your partner may be pushing you away in an attempt to protect you from them.

Seeking couples or individual therapy can help whoever is suffering from low self-esteem to realise their potential as a person and improve their confidence. They are encouraged to recognise their beauty, intelligence and accept who they are - warts and all. Once they overcome their low self-esteem, the relationship should become much smoother and happier.

Anger management

Anger can be a cause of conflict in any relationship. If one person is suffering from anger issues, it can leave them feeling tense and cause them to lash out. They can feel confused and angry, snapping at something or someone when they don’t mean to. While this may scare the other person, it can often also leave them confused, not fully understanding why their partner, or themselves, are behaving in this manner. By seeking therapy, as a couple, you can understand where the anger comes from and be given expert advice on how to handle your emotions and express them more effectively. As well as this, in therapy, your partner can come to understand how to react appropriately and support you when you have moments when your anger seems almost uncontrollable.

Affairs and betrayals

When someone has an affair, it can feel like the biggest betrayal of all. You trusted them to share everything with you as you explored a future together, only to have them throw this back in your face. There are many reasons why someone may do this - including a lack of intimacy in the relationship, general unhappiness and feelings of isolation. But no matter what the reasons were, the partner who has been betrayed will feel hurt beyond measure and may struggle to see a future.

Often adultery happens because your partner, or yourself, feel the current relationship is lacking in something important. By seeking couples therapy, you can both have a meaningful and honest discussion about the future of your relationship and identify what was missing in the past. A counsellor can help you both to understand where things seemed to go wrong, promote an open conversation about how you feel and help you find that love and connection you used to share.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Written by Dr. Liddy Carver Registered MBACP (Accred), PhD Counselling

Prior to establishing her private practice in Warrington, Cheshire, Dr Liddy Carver was a Senior University Lecturer/Programme Leader in Counselling. Her therapeutic experience includes work in a university counselling service, national and independent, not for profit organisations and a city hospital occupational health department.… Read more

Written by Dr. Liddy Carver Registered MBACP (Accred), PhD Counselling

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