Navigating infidelity in relationships

Infidelity can be one of the most painful experiences a couple faces. The recent revelation by musician Dave Grohl, who admitted to fathering a child outside of his marriage, has sparked widespread conversation. 

He publicly declared his love for his wife and children while expressing a commitment to rebuilding trust and regaining their forgiveness. His open acknowledgement of his mistake, paired with his determination to move forward is a story many can relate to, whether they’ve experienced infidelity themselves or supported someone who has.

As a therapist, I frequently encounter couples in crisis due to infidelity. The emotional damage can feel insurmountable, but healing is possible with the right support, understanding and time. Let’s explore the path to recovery after an affair, how counselling can help and the possibility of rebuilding trust and forgiveness.

The emotional fallout of infidelity

Infidelity affects not only the individuals in the relationship but also children, family and friends. The pain caused by a betrayal of trust can lead to deep emotional wounds, including feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness and confusion. In Grohl’s case, his daughters even took down their social media accounts, perhaps reflecting the toll this public admission has had on them. For the partner who has been cheated on, infidelity often triggers feelings of inadequacy, fear of abandonment and questions about self-worth.

While the immediate reaction might be to end the relationship, many couples opt to try and work through the breach. But how does one even begin to heal from such a profound violation?

Can you move on? Is it possible to forgive?

The decision to stay in a relationship after an affair is intensely personal. Some people may decide that the trust is too damaged to be repaired, while others are willing to work on rebuilding what was lost. Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It requires both partners to be patient and open to vulnerability.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or condoning the behaviour. Rather, it is about acknowledging the hurt, processing the emotions that come with it and deciding to move forward without allowing the pain to define the future of the relationship. In therapy, I often work with clients to untangle these complex emotions and assess whether forgiveness and healing are possible for them.

The role of counselling in healing

When couples face infidelity, many wonder whether counselling can truly help. The answer is yes — but only if both individuals are willing to engage in the process. Counselling offers a safe space where couples can communicate openly about their pain, their needs and their hopes for the future.

Through therapy, couples can:

Rebuild trust:

Rebuilding trust is a slow process that requires honesty, transparency and time. The partner who has been unfaithful must be willing to take full responsibility for their actions and make genuine efforts to restore faith in the relationship. This might include being open about where they are, who they’re with and other forms of accountability. In therapy, couples can establish boundaries that help foster a sense of safety.

Address underlying issues:

Infidelity doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s important to explore the reasons behind the affair. Was there a disconnect in communication? Were there unmet emotional or physical needs? Therapy allows both partners to express their feelings and examine the vulnerabilities in their relationship that may have contributed to the affair.

Improve communication:

Many couples struggle with communication after infidelity. Therapy provides tools for more effective and empathetic conversations, ensuring that both parties feel heard and understood. This process can help prevent future misunderstandings and build a stronger foundation for the relationship moving forward.

Develop strategies for forgiveness:

Forgiveness is a journey that looks different for everyone. A therapist can help guide this process by facilitating open, honest discussions about the affair, addressing lingering feelings of resentment and developing coping strategies to deal with future triggers. Therapy allows the betrayed partner to express their hurt while providing the unfaithful partner with the tools to make amends.

Moving forward as a couple — or apart

Infidelity forces couples to make difficult decisions. Some may decide to end the relationship, while others may find a path forward together. Either way, therapy can be a powerful resource in helping both individuals understand their emotions, needs, and boundaries.

For those who choose to stay, it’s important to note that rebuilding a relationship after infidelity requires ongoing commitment. It’s not just about “fixing” what was broken — it’s about creating a new dynamic that is healthier, more open and more attuned to both partners’ needs. Therapy can be a long-term process, and setbacks are common, but with patience and dedication, many couples find that they can move past infidelity and build a stronger relationship.

For those who decide to separate, therapy can still offer valuable support during the transition. Counselling can help both partners navigate the end of their relationship healthily and respectfully, particularly if children are involved.

Healing is possible

While the pain of infidelity can feel overwhelming, healing is possible with time, effort and the right support. As Dave Grohl works to regain the trust of his wife and children, his story is a reminder that infidelity, while deeply damaging, doesn’t always signal the end of a relationship. With counselling, couples can explore whether they want to — and can — rebuild trust, move forward and possibly forgive.

In the end, the goal is not just to survive infidelity, but to thrive beyond it, creating relationships that are stronger, more honest and more fulfilling than before.