Living authentically: A rewarding journey of self-discovery

In a society that increasingly values seeking approval from external sources, particularly through the idealised portrayals on social media and television, it is important to understand that our worth is not determined by superficial measures such as social status, income, appearance, or material possessions.

While society may highly regard these external factors, they are often temporary and subject to change. I hope I'm not alone in believing true contentment and self-value comes from within; from establishing a deep connection with our authentic selves.

Living authentically means embracing our unique qualities, strengths, and vulnerabilities without giving in to societal pressures. It means recognising that our value does not rely on external validation but is rooted in our inherent worth as individuals.

By seeking validation internally, we decrease our dependence on external factors for our self-esteem and happiness.

The Illusion of external validation: A never-ending pursuit

Again, in our modern world driven by consumerism and social media, we are constantly bombarded with messages linking happiness to external aspects such as wealth, beauty, and faux-celebrity lifestyles.

These messages are often reinforced by the seemingly 'perfect' lives showcased on social media and television, where individuals exhibit their luxurious lifestyles, designer possessions, and remarkable achievements.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of joining in and striving for these standards, like so many do; believing that achieving them will make us feel valued, accepted, and content. We may obsess about chasing after material possessions, seeking validation through social media metrics, or constantly pushing for more and more professional success and recognition. One might argue I'm doing that right now, writing this article (smile).

However, the pursuit of external validation can become a never-ending cycle that just leaves us feeling unsatisfied and discontent.

The endless cycle of external validation

Upon reaching a specific goal, such as obtaining a desired possession or accomplishing a career milestone, we often set a new, higher benchmark.

And there it continues... the pursuit of external validation can turn into a continuous chase, as we constantly try to surpass ourselves and keep up with ever-evolving societal expectations. This can lead to a persistent feeling of dissatisfaction, as we are never truly satisfied with our achievements.

Furthermore, relying on external validation can make us vulnerable to the opinions and criticisms of others. We may become overly concerned with how others perceive us, leading to anxiety, self-doubt, and a fear of rejection - which can hinder our ability to live authentically and pursue our personal passions and goals.

The misconception of happiness

The belief that external factors can bring us happiness is so deceptive. While these factors may provide temporary satisfaction or contentment, they do not address the fundamental needs for connection, purpose, and self-worth.

I truly believe, from personal experience, that true happiness comes from within, from a deep sense of self-acceptance, self-worth, and fulfilment.

By focusing and fixating on external validation, we'll almost certainly neglect our inner selves and struggle or fail to nurture meaningful relationships, pursue our interests, or establish a deep sense of purpose. This can result in feelings of emptiness, isolation, and a lack of direction.

Breaking the pattern

Breaking free from the cycle of external validation requires a deliberate shift inward. We must first recognise and then fully embrace the notion that our value is not dependent on our possessions, appearance, or accomplishments. 

Only by cultivating self-worth, self-compassion and self-acceptance, can we begin to find fulfilment and happiness that's independent of external factors.

This involves gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves, our values, and our interests. It also includes building healthy relationships, practising self-care, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and significance.

Discovering validation internally

As I mentioned earlier, true fulfilment comes from within. It involves connecting with our authentic selves, embracing our imperfections, and living a life in alignment with our values. By seeking validation internally, we reduce our reliance on external factors for our self-worth.

Sounds so easy, I know. But from my own experience, thinking is often much easier than doing!

How therapy can help

Therapy can be a powerful tool for nurturing self-worth and living authentically. It provides a safe space to explore our beliefs, values, and emotions.

Through therapy, we can:

• Challenge negative self-beliefs: Many of us hold limiting beliefs about our worth and capabilities. Therapy can help identify and challenge these beliefs, replacing them with more positive and empowering ones.
• Cultivate a stronger sense of self: Our identity goes beyond our appearance or possessions. Therapy can help uncover our unique qualities, strengths, and interests.
• Foster healthier relationships: Our interactions with others greatly impact our self-esteem. Therapy can assist in developing healthier communication and boundary-setting skills.
• Learn to manage stress and anxiety: The pressure to conform to societal expectations can lead to stress and anxiety. Therapy can offer strategies for managing these emotions and improving overall well-being.

Living authentically: A profound journey

Living authentically goes beyond mere aspiration; it is a voyage of self-discovery and personal growth.

It involves:

• Embracing our imperfections: Everyone has flaws and imperfections. Acknowledging them is essential for self-acceptance and self-compassion. We can learn to see our imperfections as unique traits that define us.
• Living according to our values: When we align our actions with our values, we feel a deeper connection to ourselves and our purpose. This means identifying our core values and making decisions that resonate with them.
• Cultivating healthy relationships: Genuine relationships are built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect. By living authentically, we attract individuals who appreciate us for who we are.
• Taking care of ourselves: Self-care is crucial for authentic living. It involves prioritising our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When we tend to our needs, we are better equipped to face life's challenges and lead a fulfilling life.

Overcoming obstacles

Living authentically may present challenges. We may face resistance from within, but also from others. However, with perseverance and self-compassion, we can overcome these obstacles and lead a more rewarding life.

Living authentically requires some effort and, of course, commitment. It entails self-awareness, self-acceptance, and a willingness and some courage to challenge and reject societal norms.

By seeking validation internally and embracing our true selves, we can discover lasting fulfilment and happiness. Remember, you transcend your external circumstances. You are a unique and valuable individual deserving of love and respect. You do you!