Key steps to get over a relationship break-up

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our relationships end. We may have chosen to end the relationship ourselves or the relationship may have been ended by your partner. Often people feel stuck when the relationship, finding it impossible to disconnect from the past or to start a new relationship.

For some there is a need for a reason. For others there are things left unsaid and photographs on phones and social media keep them tied to the past. Often the breakup of a relationship can feel like bereavement. Yet, unlike bereavement there is often hope of rekindling the relationship. There are ways in which you can help yourself to get over the end of a relationship and move forward with your life.

Give yourself time

The loss associated with a breakup takes time to process, so give yourself that time to process it. Don’t rush headlong into another relationship. You will be feeling the loss of the companionship and the good times that the relationship offered. You will be coming to terms with the changes to your life’s direction and plans that you had while in the relationship. Offer yourself the time and compassion to understand what the loss means for you.

Limit contact with your ex at least for a while

It is important to have an end of the relationship and move forward. Re-visiting photographs or encountering your ex, makes it difficult to gain clarity on your new life. Delete contacts and resist the temptation to stalk them on Facebook. It can be particularly painful if an ex starts to see someone else. Although it may be difficult, reduce contact to an absolute minimum.

Look after yourself

A breakup is a stressful experience. It can leave you feeling very vulnerable and isolated. You need to give yourself the time, compassion and space to heal. For some that might be a relaxing break, for others it might be learning not to beat yourself up for what happened in the relationship.

Start a new life by re-inventing your old one

The hardest part of a breakup is often accepting that it has ended. Yet, it offers an opportunity to look at what is happening in your life and see what you want to change, what strengths and skills you have and might want to develop. You can re-connect with old friends and the contact can be a great stress relief for the stress and anxiety of breakup.

Finally don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family for support. Spending time with the people who value you unconditionally can make a big difference and don’t be afraid to ask for professional help if you need it.

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Written by Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred) Counsellor

Graeme is a counsellor and author, living and working on the south side of Glasgow. In his practice, he sees a number of clients with emotional, anxiety and self-esteem that have relevance to us all. His articles are based on that experience and are offered as an opportunity to identify with, or to challenge you to make changes in your life.… Read more

Written by Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred) Counsellor

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