Journaling prompts for parents: Become best friends again

One of the things we don’t often talk about when we’re planning to become parents is how much it will impact our relationship. It’s pretty obvious when you think about it: you’re both exhausted, time is stretched thin, and you’re going through a massive transformation. No one prepares you for the monumental shift of becoming parents.

As mums, our lives completely change the moment we get pregnant. We can’t drink, we’re physically and emotionally adjusting, and honestly, we can’t do most of the things we used to enjoy. But for our partners, life stays mostly the same until the baby arrives. They might have a designated driver for nine months, but they’re not bonding with the baby the way we are. It’s no wonder we enter parenthood from completely different places.

Then, they often go back to work and return to some kind of normal while everything in our world has changed. We feel guilty for taking ten minutes to ourselves, and the disconnection between us and our partners grows. But with a bit of work – and a lot of communication – we can feel like teammates again instead of just housemates.

One of the things that gave me the most comfort during this time was knowing that research shows the strongest couples – the ones who actually make it – have all been through really dark times. Many of them reached crossroads where they seriously considered splitting up, but by choosing to stay and work through it, their relationships became even stronger.

With that in mind, I’ve created some journaling prompts that I’ve been using with my clients to help both partners gain more clarity. Our subconscious thoughts, which make up as much as 95% of our total thinking, control so many of our decisions. Journaling is a powerful way to understand how we’re really feeling and to separate our thoughts from the facts.

1. Reflect on the changes in yourself

Prompt: How has becoming a parent changed the way I see myself, and how has that affected how I relate to my partner?

Both partners go through massive changes, and they don’t always see or understand each other’s transformations. Reflecting on this can help both of you figure out where the disconnect is coming from.

 2. Be clear about what you need

Prompt: What do I need emotionally and physically right now, and have I actually told my partner?

It’s easy to assume our partners know what we need, but honestly, most of the time, they don’t. Writing it down helps both of you get clear on it, and then you can share it with each other.

3. Work through guilt and pressure

Prompt: Am I feeling guilt or pressure about balancing being a parent and a partner? Where are those feelings coming from?

We often feel like we should be doing it all, and a lot of that pressure comes from what others expect– whether it’s family or society. This prompt helps you both identify those pressures and work through them together.

4. Check-in on communication

Prompt: How well are we communicating, and what can we do to improve?

Communication is everything in a relationship. Reflecting on how you’re both doing in this area can help you figure out where things might need to change.

5. Plan time together

Prompt: What are some small but meaningful ways we can spend time together, and how can we make it happen?

It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and forget to prioritise time with your partner. Whether it’s a monthly date night, a quick lunch together, or a walk, scheduling time for each other can make a big difference.

6. Remember what you used to love

Prompt: What did we enjoy doing together before becoming parents, and how can we bring some of that back into our lives now?

Bringing back even small parts of what you used to do together can help you reconnect and remind you why you fell in love in the first place.

7. Address intimacy

Prompt: How do I feel about intimacy with my partner right now, and what can we do to nurture that part of our relationship?

8. Set boundaries with external pressure

Prompt: Are outside opinions (family, friends, society) affecting our relationship? How can we set boundaries to protect us?

Sometimes it’s not just about the two of you; outside influences can play a huge role in how you feel. Setting healthy boundaries helps protect your relationship from unnecessary stress.

 9. Celebrate small wins

Prompt: What have we done recently to improve our relationship, and how can we celebrate that?

It’s important to acknowledge the positive steps you’ve both taken. It reminds you that progress is happening, even if it’s slow.

10. Think about the future

Prompt: What are our shared goals, and how can we support each other in getting there?

Looking ahead and making sure you’re both aligned on your goals helps create a sense of teamwork and shared purpose.

Relationships change when you become parents, and it’s OK to need a little extra support. These journaling prompts are a great way for both partners to process their feelings and open up communication. Don’t forget: small changes can make a big difference, and working on your relationship doesn’t just benefit the two of you – it creates a healthy environment for your child to grow up in.

If you’re finding it hard to express what you need or struggling to communicate effectively, therapy can be a game-changer. Couples therapy is a great way to understand each other better and learn how to communicate in ways that actually work. The biggest reason relationships break down is that we often don’t know how to communicate. Therapy can help you become more assertive and clear in your needs, which can transform your relationship.

Prioritising your relationship is one of the best gifts you can give your children. So few of us grew up in homes where we saw what a healthy relationship looks like. If they learn these skills from you, they’re much more likely to build healthy relationships of their own as they grow up.