How to shift your mindset and take control of your RAS

I am usually the first to tell others – whether it's friends, family, or clients – that how you talk to yourself really shapes how you feel. But here’s the thing: I don’t always follow my own advice. I often let negative thoughts hold me back, whether it’s worrying about sounding silly, getting something wrong, or not being good enough. That all started to change when I discovered something called the reticular activating system (RAS).

What is the RAS? 

The RAS is like your brain's personal gatekeeper. It decides what gets your attention and what gets ignored. For instance, if you’re in a loud room, the RAS helps you focus on the person you’re talking to while tuning out all the background noise. It also plays a big part in keeping you alert and awake during the day.

Now, here's the fun part: the RAS can make you hyper-aware of things once you've decided they matter. Like, ever notice that when you’re thinking about buying a certain car, you suddenly see that car everywhere? Or, if you’ve recently discovered you're expecting a baby or have decided to start trying for one, you suddenly notice baby-related things everywhere. You might overhear conversations about parenting, spot baby stores along your usual routes, or become aware of baby sections in supermarkets you’ve passed through countless times without noticing before. That's your RAS kicking in, helping you notice things that have suddenly become important to you, while filtering out everything else.

But here's where it gets tricky: the same thing happens with negative thoughts. If you're constantly telling yourself that you're not good enough, your brain will make sure to find proof to back that up, while ignoring any evidence to the contrary.

At first, I thought, "Great, I’ll just think positively, and the RAS will do its thing!" But then, I sat down to write something, and those familiar negative thoughts came flooding in – "What if I sound stupid? What if I get it wrong?" – and I was stuck. My brain wasn’t letting any positive thoughts through, and I was back to square one, thinking, “Well, this RAS thing is cool, but it’s not working for me.”

The power of the RAS

Then, I listened to a Mel Robbins podcast (episode 33), where she gave listeners a challenge: try to spot as many naturally occurring hearts as you can throughout the day. I took it on with my daughter, and we found hearts everywhere – in clouds, leaves, puddles, oil stains, rocks, and even in chipped paint. It was incredible how our brains suddenly picked up on all these little heart shapes. That’s when I realised – my RAS was filtering in what I had told it was important.

Once I realised how powerful the RAS was in shaping what I paid attention to, I started to see things differently. Instead of letting my brain default to negative thinking, I made a conscious effort to focus on the positives – what I had accomplished rather than what I feared I would fail at. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but slowly, I began to see a shift. My mind became less cluttered with doubt and fear, and I started to feel empowered rather than defeated.

One of the biggest changes came with tackling tasks I had been avoiding for ages. Things I’d put off because I was so scared of getting them wrong – writing, speaking up in meetings, even trying new projects. My inner dialogue used to be full of "what ifs" – what if I sound stupid, what if I mess up, what if I don’t know enough? But by focusing on my small wins, I trained my brain to notice all the ways I was capable.

At first, it was as simple as acknowledging when I completed a task I normally would’ve avoided. If I finished a project at work without letting fear get in the way, I celebrated that. If I spoke up with a new idea in a meeting, I let myself feel good about it, no matter how small the contribution was. Over time, these little wins built up my confidence and my RAS started filtering out those old, self-doubting thoughts that used to stop me in my tracks.

I realised that taking control of my RAS wasn’t about forcing myself to be positive all the time – it was about redirecting my focus, reminding myself that there were always successes to be found, even in the smallest steps.

By consistently tuning my brain to recognise progress rather than pitfalls, I started to build a sense of courage I hadn’t felt in a long time.

This newfound courage led me to finally tackle the things I had been putting off. For example, I’d been meaning to start a personal project for months but had always pushed it to the side because I was too scared I wouldn’t get it right. But with this new mindset, I approached it differently. Instead of worrying about perfection, I focused on making progress, even if it was small. The more I chipped away at it, the more I realised that fear was the only thing holding me back – not lack of ability.

The best part? Once I embraced this new way of thinking, I stopped letting fear control my actions. I began to see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than tests of my worth. Taking control of my RAS didn’t just quiet my negative thoughts – it helped me build momentum and take action in areas of my life that had been stagnant for too long.

I empowered myself to stop overthinking and start doing. By consciously training my brain to focus on my achievements, I nurtured a sense of confidence that allowed me to push through the fear of failure and actually get things done. This control over my mindset – and by extension, over my RAS – has not only helped me tackle long-standing tasks but has also fostered a deep sense of courage and resilience that continues to grow each day.

Try the Mel Robbins heart game and see firsthand how much control you have over your RAS. This simple exercise can help shift your mindset from “can’t do” to “can do” by showing you how your focus shapes your perception and attitude.