How to increase your self-esteem

What is low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is how a person values themselves. The more positive you are about yourself, then the higher your self-esteem will be.

So when you keep telling yourself all the things that you are not good at, you are actually decreasing your self concept.

It is highly important to realise that having a high self-esteem is not based on, how attractive you are; it is all about how you feel about yourself.

Even the most beautiful women in the world suffer from low self-esteem.

Research shows that the people you attract into your life are a reflection of your self value. Women with high self-esteem have a tendency to attract men that have a high self concept and vice versa.

Signs of low self-esteem

  • Attracting abusive partners in relationships (whether it is verbal physical or emotional).
  • Constantly seeking approval of others, attention seeking or people pleasing.
  • Avoiding conflicts, because you are afraid of how other people will perceive you.
  • Constantly worrying, and not being able to relax or have a sound mind.
  • Comparing yourself to others, who are above or below you, based on your ego needs at the time.
  • Being highly critical of yourself.
  • Not making your own decisions or letting other people make important decisions for you.
  • Constantly complaining about your circumstances which you know you're able to change.
  • Not forgiving yourself or others.

The more positive view that you have of yourself, the higher your self-esteem will be, and also the more negative view that you have of yourself the lower your self-esteem will be.

It is very important to get rid of things that make you highly unattractive to yourself.

How to increase your self-esteem.

  • Learn to appreciate who you are and the blessings that you have in your life, (show gratitude).
  • Stop setting yourself up for stress or failure. You don't need more stress to get the adrenaline going, unless you think this is the start of boredom?
  • Don't try to become someone that you are not and just be yourself - so idolising superstars is very unhealthy, just be who you are and develop yourself.
  • Taking care of yourself by eating well and exercising on a regular basis will give you a sense of well-being.
  • Get into a habit of thinking and saying positive things to yourself.
  • Negative people can be draining, so spend more time with positive people, who are encouraging.
  • Be assertive and don't allow people to treat you with lack of respect.
  •  Engage in your hobbies and interest.
  •  Learn to accept compliments, no matter how hard it may be.
  •  Know what you want and say so.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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Croydon CR9 & London SW9
Written by Kate Megase, Accred, Couples, Individuals, Psychotherapist & Supervisor
Croydon CR9 & London SW9

About me I am a psychotherapist specialising in couple and relationship therapy.  I also work with individuals and organisations. I provide clinical supervision to other therapists. I am the author of a self-help book called 'Dump the Baggage; A Therapist’s Guide to Building Self-Esteem a...

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