How to avoid disappointment
There is a familiarity around disappointment that for some offers comfort. Whilst this may sound odd, think about it just for a little while. There is comfort in familiarity. We know what to expect, we can even get very good and actually predict the disappointment. We will have a routine around how we deal with the disappointment. Do you lean into it, push against it or move away from it?
Moving away from it, we dismiss it, shrug it off like shooing away a fly. But as we deny it, we deny or feelings and emotions. "No, it's fine, it doesn't matter, it's alright." Yes, I've become an "it", so now I'm not only denying my emotions I'm also objectifying myself. Telling the world one thing, Feeling hurt and pain inside. Ouch.
Pushing against it, I retaliate, fight back, hit out. This may "show them" "get them to pick on someone their own size" "best form of defense is attack". Here the message is if I hurt you, you can't hurt me. The irony of this strategy is that we get hurt more, double boom. Creating pain on the outside and on the inside.
When we lean into it, we can breathe and stay grounded. Here we can keep an open mind and question whether our judgments are useful. Rather than are they right!
The expectations that we had can be considered through a grounded lens. They can be amended, updated, met by ourselves or let go of.
And the disappointment... disappears.
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About Sharon Rooke
UKCP registered Psychotherapist and Supervisor; Chair of NLPtCA
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