How EMDR can support healing from trauma

Netflix’s series 'Monsters' has sparked widespread discussions by delving into the story of the Menendez brothers, Lyle and Erik, who were convicted of murdering their parents in 1989. Many viewers have been fascinated, even bewildered, by the brothers’ apparent emotional detachment in the aftermath of the killings, as they engaged in lavish spending and seemingly carefree behaviour. The portrayal of the brothers has reignited conversations about trauma and the often misunderstood ways in which survivors of abuse may behave.

As a therapist, I find this narrative an important entry point into a deeper conversation about trauma, particularly childhood trauma and how it can shape not just behaviours, but entire perceptions of what is considered ‘normal’ within the context of family dynamics. The case of the Menendez brothers underscores how the long-term effects of trauma can warp emotional responses, especially when the individuals involved have never experienced a life free from abuse.

The complexity of abuse and emotional responses

For many people who have never endured trauma or abuse, the notion of family is rooted in care, love and trust. It is natural to feel perplexed when faced with stories like that of the Menendez brothers, where the perpetrators are also revealed to be victims. These boys had been subjected to years of sexual, emotional and physical abuse, yet the public's initial reaction to their case fixated on their seemingly cold and indifferent behaviour after the murders.

It’s important to recognise that trauma, especially trauma experienced during formative years, alters not only the brain but also an individual’s perception of reality. For those who grow up in abusive environments, the very concept of normalcy is distorted. Their survival mechanisms might include detachment, dissociation or adopting the belief that their experiences are, in fact, normal.

When you are raised to believe that abuse is a standard part of life, it can profoundly impact how you react to both trauma and events that should elicit grief or guilt.

Survivors protecting their abusers

One of the most difficult concepts for those unfamiliar with trauma is understanding why victims often defend or even align with their abusers. Known as trauma bonding, this phenomenon occurs when a victim develops deep emotional attachments to their abusers, often out of fear, manipulation, or a distorted sense of loyalty.

In the Menendez brothers' case, despite the years of horrific abuse, it is important to note how they initially kept the abuse a secret and only brought it up as a defence after they were arrested. This reluctance to expose their abusers reflects a reality faced by many survivors of abuse. Victims often go to great lengths to protect their abusers, especially when the abuse happens within the family unit, which creates a complex and conflicting sense of love, loyalty, and fear.

Breaking this cycle is not easy, but it is possible with the right therapeutic interventions.

The role of EMDR in healing from trauma

Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR) is one of the therapeutic approaches that has proven highly effective in treating trauma. EMDR works by helping individuals process traumatic memories in a way that reduces their emotional charge and allows the brain to file them away more appropriately.

Trauma can often leave individuals feeling "stuck," where memories of abuse continue to resurface in distressing ways, contributing to symptoms like anxiety, depression, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). With EMDR, patients are guided to revisit those traumatic memories while engaging in bilateral stimulation (often through guided eye movements), which helps reprocess those memories in a less emotionally harmful way.

In the case of individuals who have endured long-term trauma, EMDR can be transformative in helping them recognise the extent of the abuse, untangle the complex emotions associated with trauma bonding, and develop healthier emotional responses.

Moving forward: Addressing trauma in society

As a society, we must not only address the visible symptoms of trauma but also the underlying abuse that often remains hidden. Victims of abuse, especially those who endure it over many years, may present behaviours that are difficult to understand, but that doesn’t negate the need for empathy and a deeper exploration of their experiences.

As a therapist, I advocate for the continued education of the public on the complexities of trauma, abuse, and healing. By understanding how trauma manifests in different individuals, we can foster a society more equipped to offer support and less inclined to pass judgment.

For those struggling with trauma, seeking professional help is essential. Therapies like EMDR provide a path forward, offering a way to process the pain and break free from the cycles of abuse. While the damage inflicted by childhood trauma is deep, healing is possible, and with the right support, survivors can reclaim their lives.

By raising awareness and fostering conversations about the long-term impact of trauma, I hope we can create a more understanding and compassionate world where victims of abuse are believed, supported, and, most importantly, provided with the tools to heal.